23 Nov 2017

President Donald Trump Allegedly Groped A Thanksgiving Turkey

A White House staffer present during the selection process for the Thanksgiving turkeys, which President Donald Trump would later “pardon,” said Trump allegedly groped one of the turkeys. Trump said, “Is this a woman?” as he hoisted the bird up in the air. “It’s a very special time to be

23 Nov 2017

Man Still On Hold Waiting For Liberal Hotline To Tell Him What To Say About Trump During Thanksgiving Dinner

A 33 year-old man, who has #AbsolutelyWithHer and #WhenFemsResist in his Twitter bio, is still waiting on a liberal hotline for people who need talking points on President Donald Trump for their Thanksgiving dinners. The hotline was launched by Stand Above Impeachable Lies, or SAIL. About an hour ago, one

06 Nov 2017

US Politicians Prepare Thoughts And Prayers For Next Victims Of Shooting They Won’t Do Anything To Prevent

The White House and members of Congress prepared thoughts and prayers for those who will be shot and killed in the nation’s next mass shooting. “It is best to be ready, since we’re not going to entertain a national conversation or support a policy change that could possibly reduce the

Scott Pruitt. Photo by Gage Skidmore.
11 Oct 2017

Scott Pruitt’s EPA Will Fight For States’ Rights To Climate Change

In a draft four-year plan, the Scott Pruitt’s EPA promises to go above and beyond to restore the rights of states to endure climate change.

08 Oct 2017

National Weather Service Reluctantly Takes On Role Of Forecasting Next Gun Massacre

As a nation once again debates whether to debate whether to do anything meaningful to make it harder for Americans to kill masses of people with guns, sources with the National Weather Service said they plan to include potential threats of gun violence in their forecasts. One official sighed very

17 Aug 2017

Here Is The NDA That George Soros Forced Professional Anarchist To Sign

It was nearly six months ago that I came forward and revealed my role as a professional anarchist paid to protest President Donald Trump by George Soros. Upon revealing the truth, I immediately had to go into hiding and I sought out privacy tools that weren’t infiltrated by Soros and

27 May 2017

Tips For Politicians Looking To Swiftly Dispatch Pesky Reporters

These days a politician cannot seem to go anywhere without encountering a journalist, who thinks he or she has the right to thrust a recorder in your face and ask a question about the day’s latest developments that are making the news. Here are some tips for handling reporters, who

25 Feb 2017

I Was A Professional Anarchist Paid By Super-Rich Liberal George Soros To Bring Trump Down

Weeks into the presidency of a buffoonish but vicious tyrant, I feel compelled to take off my black bandana, hooded sweatshirt, and kick off my steel-toed boots to reveal myself to the people. This is especially for those who believe the United States is faced with an uprising led by

Screenshot of CSPAN broadcast of Trump news conference.
16 Feb 2017

We Obtained Leaked Copy Of Trump’s Plans For First 100 Days And It’s Just Wow!

We got a glimpse at copy of what Trump plans to do by his 100th day and, whoa! It’s simply incredible!

01 Feb 2017

Donald Trump Remembered Some Black People For Black History Month

Read President Donald Trump’s remarks at a Black History Month event with African Americans.