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I’m Still Sorry I Listened To Susan Sarandon During The 2016 Election

There aren’t any matters that are currently more pressing than grappling with the fact that I listened to what actress Susan Sarandon had to say during the 2016 presidential election and did not vote for Hillary Clinton.

You may see a presidential administration that is going above and beyond to criminalize immigration. There are more migrants in camps or detention centers than ever before, but when I see the crying faces of children without their parents, I don’t think of Donald Trump. All I can think of is Louise and how she and Thelma drove their car off a cliff and that cliff was Donald Trump.

Just as Janet Weiss was seduced by the allure of the sex god, Rocky Horror, Sarandon was entranced by the political revolution promised by Bernie Sanders. Under the spell of the Berns, she became convinced that Clinton was dangerous and would start a war if elected. She also suggested that Trump’s election would lead to an explosive revolt, but that did not happen because Robert Mueller would never have approved and we needed his approval to have Mueller Time.

Sarandon was an obnoxious Bernie Bro. Her influence on the American population may not have been enough to convince Democratic voters to nominate Sanders over Clinton. However, when she trashed Clinton, that is when America finally came through for the star with Bette Davis eyes.

Years have gone by since Clinton did not travel to Wisconsin. All I can think of is how Sarandon still refuses to acknowledge the role she played in getting Trump elected. Her advocacy for Clinton would have made up for every failure committed by her campaign team, as they downplayed polling data that showed she was losing ground to a failing business tycoon.

While other factors, like stagnating wages and the impact of neoliberal globalization may be more responsible, focusing on the way in which Trump astutely exploited economic discontent could never give me the same satisfaction as piling on a movie actress who dissents from the liberal establishment.

If Susan Sarandon gave us Trump, does that mean Russian President Vladimir Putin and his merry band of Kremlin trolls were not responsible as well? Absolutely not. There can be many people we blame over and over and over again so we never have to accept the reality of what happened in this country.

How come I am just now coming to this conclusion nearly three years later? Obviously, I was not sure I needed to add my voice. But I saw Neera Tanden, Eric Boehlert, and Kathy Griffin and thought they may need some reinforcements. Berners are notorious for never letting go of grudges.

Fuck Sister Helen for convincing me and probably no more than a few dozen other Americans to not vote for Clinton. She’ll successfully convince a few dozen more people to vote against the Democrats’ corporate candidate in 2020 if we let her. So let’s align behind Debra Messing, lose our ever loving shit in Sarandon’s mentions, and vote-shame until we’re no longer trending on Twitter.

And then in a couple months, when migrant children are building Trump’s border wall or hungry polar bears are dripping in oil or Iran is bombed by U.S. jets, let’s do it all over again instead of directing our anger at people in power. We’ll rack up another few thousand retweets and amass more followers, which will give us the catharsis we need to ignore the impotency of our ritualistic performances in defeating Trump.

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Kevin Gosztola

Kevin Gosztola

Kevin Gosztola is managing editor of Shadowproof. He also produces and co-hosts the weekly podcast, "Unauthorized Disclosure."