23 Nov 2017

President Donald Trump Allegedly Groped A Thanksgiving Turkey

A White House staffer present during the selection process for the Thanksgiving turkeys, which President Donald Trump would later “pardon,” said Trump allegedly groped one of the turkeys. Trump said, “Is this a woman?” as he hoisted the bird up in the air. “It’s a very special time to be

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23 Nov 2017

Man Still On Hold Waiting For Liberal Hotline To Tell Him What To Say About Trump During Thanksgiving Dinner

A 33 year-old man, who has #AbsolutelyWithHer and #WhenFemsResist in his Twitter bio, is still waiting on a liberal hotline for people who need talking points on President Donald Trump for their Thanksgiving dinners. The hotline was launched by Stand Above Impeachable Lies, or SAIL. About an hour ago, one

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06 Nov 2017

US Politicians Prepare Thoughts And Prayers For Next Victims Of Shooting They Won’t Do Anything To Prevent

The White House and members of Congress prepared thoughts and prayers for those who will be shot and killed in the nation’s next mass shooting. “It is best to be ready, since we’re not going to entertain a national conversation or support a policy change that could possibly reduce the

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Scott Pruitt. Photo by Gage Skidmore.
11 Oct 2017

Scott Pruitt’s EPA Will Fight For States’ Rights To Climate Change

In a draft four-year plan, the Scott Pruitt’s EPA promises to go above and beyond to restore the rights of states to endure climate change.

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08 Oct 2017

National Weather Service Reluctantly Takes On Role Of Forecasting Next Gun Massacre

As a nation once again debates whether to debate whether to do anything meaningful to make it harder for Americans to kill masses of people with guns, sources with the National Weather Service said they plan to include potential threats of gun violence in their forecasts. One official sighed very

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07 Mar 2016

Comedy Sketch: ‘Bernie Bros On Campus’

Over the past months, I have taken a stab at sketch writing. My attempts at sketch writing mostly stem from the fact that I am enrolled in improvisation classes at the iO Theater in Chicago, and I performed in two sketch shows in the Chicago Sketchfest in January. I am

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