In a draft four-year plan, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), run by Scott Pruitt, promises to go above and beyond to restore the rights of states to endure climate change. The agency intends to follow the tradition of past states’ rights battles, like the one to preserve slavery.

“We think it is not up to the federal government to decide whether to take the threat of climate change seriously or not,” Pruitt said, while fondling a piece of coal he keeps for good luck. “That is clearly something that should be left up to the states, and if they want to support industries that make it hard for our children to breathe and threaten humanity’s survival, then that’s certainly their right. We are a federalist nation, with liberty and destruction for all.”