The White House and members of Congress prepared thoughts and prayers for those who will be shot and killed in the nation’s next mass shooting.

“It is best to be ready, since we’re not going to entertain a national conversation or support a policy change that could possibly reduce the terrifying frequency of shootings,” a White House spokesperson said.

Sure, Congress could make it harder for psychopaths to get their hands on assault or semiautomatic weapons. The nation’s representatives could also expand background checks so the government may get some sense of the kind of predators who are buying guns. But it was universally agreed that it was far easier to have staff print stacks of postcards with thoughts and prayers that could be personalized and mailed out immediately following the next blood-drenched CNN newsbreak.