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I Stacked Detainees Into Human Pyramids, Now I’m Endorsing Hillary Clinton

A little more than twelve years ago, I served in the United States military at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. I helped stack detainees into human pyramids, and had the opportunity to ride a few of them around like they were donkeys. We even made a giant dart board and catapulted detainees at the board, as we competed to see who could get the highest score.

I do not typically vote. My parents are Republicans. I have friends who have voted for Democrats. I find myself leaning libertarian these days. But, on November 8, I plan to vote for Hillary Clinton.

There are two key reasons why it is important for me to make this endorsement. One, all these former government officials with past histories in U.S. wars, some who even pioneered brutal but exceptionally good methods to defeat our enemies, have come forward to endorse Clinton. Where are the former soldiers who were on the front lines? It seems like she could use their endorsements as well.

Second, I do not think Donald J. Trump is someone military leaders can take seriously. Most generals can keep their composure, but I believe many would have trouble not laughing about his tiny hands. We cannot fight the terrorists if the military does not respect its commander-in-chief because he has freakish baby fingers.

I have no experience working with Secretary Clinton. I did not go to any of her campaign events when she came to my home state of Indiana. I watched a few of her speeches on television. I am fully behind her when she beats the drums of war and declares, “We need to take out their strongholds in Iraq and Syria by intensifying the air campaign and stepping up our support for Arab and Kurdish forces on the ground.”

Given my past involvement with taking naked detainees and stacking them on each other, it is my belief that she understands soldiers experience tough situations every day. She is not someone who is going to go around encouraging attacks on soldiers. She knows there were people reprimanded, and we should not re-litigate the past. We cannot win the fight against terrorist groups like the Islamic State if soldiers have to worry about getting into trouble for behavior simply because government officials and superior officers feel they cannot defend it in public.

I also remember radio host Glenn Beck’s “9-12 Project,” and I was pleased to see Secretary Clinton come out in support of his project this year when she said, “Americans from every walk of life rallied together with a sense of common purpose on September the 12th. And in the days and weeks and months that followed we had each other’s backs.”

There also is a quote from September 12, 2001, where she said, plain and simple, “You are either with America in her time of need, or you are not.” This is what President George W. Bush said eight days later, “Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.”

Such words are cut and dry. At Abu Ghraib, we knew we had bad people, who we certainly did not think would stand with us. That made them against us. They were in the prison for one reason, and one reason only: They were not with America, and their bodies were shaped in such a manner that they could be stacked properly to send a message to those against freedom.

I did not do anything anybody else in my unit would not have done, and I do not appreciate suggestions that I embarrassed this country. I never raped or killed anyone. I just wanted to make sure the military could see who we captured, and the terrorist pyramids were a good way to photograph all the detainees in a large group.

Secretary Clinton was gleeful and proud that the dictator leader of Libya, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, was killed. She said, “We came, we saw, he died.” Gaddafi was captured by Libyan fighters while he was naked and bleeding from his head. One of the fighters took a bayonet and shoved it right up the strongman’s ass, giving him a bloody ass wound. Clinton recognized the awesomeness of Gaddafi’s death, which means she will not hesitate to bring other dictators opposed to America to their awesome deaths.

In sharp contrast, Trump has no experience being directly involved in the cheerleading of dictator deaths. He has talked about how he would have taken out Gaddafi, but that is inconsistent with his past. He once attempted to convince Gaddafi to let him build a resort in Libya. Trump also said Libya would be better off if Gaddafi were still in charge.

There also is the fact that Trump does not like being called “The Donald” and will sue people who say he is not a billionaire. I even hear he has people reading Tumblr websites so fan-fiction about his campaign with gross incest erotica is removed from the Internet. Well, I have news for Trump: weirdos would not do this if you did not act so creepily around your own daughter.

Our nation cannot risk having a leader with such thin skin and baby carrots for fingers. I can picture ISIS terrorists laughing now, eager for the opportunity to poke at him and make him a big joke. I did not serve in the military to have Trump turn our country into the laughingstock of the world.

My training as a U.S. soldier taught me to follow orders and bide my time, looking for ways to break down the enemy even if that meant stacking them into pyramids. It sometimes could take an hour to get them to stay put on each other because they would slide off each other’s sweaty bodies. Often they would not smile for the camera so that was an issue that had to be handled. And now, more than a decade later, I sit at home reflecting on my service. I know it will not be in vain if we elect a president this year, who can instill fear in anyone who dares to oppose our country.

Note: If you have not figured it out already, allow us to inform you this is deliberate and intentional satire.

Bolton Winthrop

Bolton Winthrop