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Republican Outrage at Democratic Personal Attacks

Republicans in Congress are united at denouncing the latest democratic attack on Republicans.

A statement from Speaker Buhner’s Office reads:

Democrats are using Onomatopoeia, alliteration, and bathos to attack prosaic yet grammarless Republicans. We believe this new attack slanders Republicans and especially mocks the Republican Tea Party base. This use of satire and humor is beyond all tenets of civilized debate, and we believe this foul behavior could even lead to a severe and continued attack of sarcasm.


Eliminating Ethos and Logos, because the Republicans have none, Speaker Boehner continued in an act of Pathos, by crying at this injustice:

What’s next? Truth?

Senator McConnell’s office concurs that these are mindful attacks, and also lists further accusation against Democrats. That statement reads:

We fear attack by rhyme, and even rhyme set to music, either delivered as a solo, antiphonally, in unison or in harmony. This despicable poetic attack could even be escalated to the worst weapon in the Democrats litany of weaponry, the one with the silent C – Rap!!

In addition, the Democrats are accusing us of being illiterate, and demand we compose our dissonant, arrhythmic, legislation in Iambic Pentameter. We fear for our Justices’ sanity if they have to parse laws so crudely written.

What would be next? Levity in our Public Affairs?”

The Republicans’ Public Affairs jointly declined to comment.

The Democratic response is:

We are, what we are, we literate few
Enjoying Rs squirm as they usually do
We’re sorry for doggerel
But what can we do?
We cannot bluster like Netyanhu!

Caucus Chorus: So we’ve no fine rhyme, will limerick do?

Rap it up!

In closing notes, spanning many bank accounts, the Republicans chanted, in plainsong, the new Republican solmization of the chromatic scale:

Dough, for, me, and, not, for, thee, Dough

as the new common core (R)eplacement for the old:

do, re, me, fa, so la, ti, do

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