My wife, Disgusted in Euclid, saw a post on Facebook about Bob Dylan’s assertion in Rolling Stone that billionaires create jobs, not the government. “The government’s not going to create jobs,” Dylan said.  “It doesn’t have to. People have to create jobs, and these big billionaires are the ones who can do it.” Compounding his display of intellectual ineptitude, he went on to say that “no one can tell (billionaires) what to do, God’s got to lead them.”

My wife responded with this:

Once upon a time, not very long ago in the little Kingdom of East Cleveland there was an electric company. Not just ANY electric company, but the MOTHER of all electric companies across the land. This company was called “General Electric” and it employed many, many people, who in turn had houses built so that they could live close to their work, opened up businesses for the employees and community members could frequent and worked hard to make a living for their families and the company strong.

Soon, the owners of this electric company became rich; rich beyond their wildest dreams! Wealth was flowing throughout the company, but these owners of this electric company wanted more; millionaire status was no longer good enough, they wanted to become BILLIONAIRES! They decided that they needed to find a bean counter; not just ANY bean counter, but the wisest and finest bean counter in the land. So they searched high and low until the found a very wise bean counter, found him, and paid him handsomely for his sage advice.

The bean counter scratched his head for a moment, wondering how this group of millionaires could maximize their own profits without having to compromise too much of their own riches…..ZING!!!! A light went on in this wise bean counter’s head and he told his idea to the group of millionaires! “You would become vastly wealthier, wealthy beyond your wildest dreams if only you could operate this electric company in the giant land of Asia!” the bean counter proclaimed.

Well, the owners of the electric company thought this was a wonderfully brilliant idea and did just that! These owners handed out thousands of pink slips to the hard working employees, packed up the majority of the electric company and moved to the land of Asia, where they became wealthier than even they could have dreamed because they hired thousands upon thousands of desperately poor peasants who would gladly work in the electric company for a mere fraction of what the community of the kingdom of East Cleveland would work for. And so, the inns and shops started shutting their doors because the people of East Cleveland did not have any extra money to buy the shopkeepers’ wares or eat at the inns. Pretty soon, the people of East Cleveland started moving away because there was not enough work for them.

The people who did stay got poorer and poorer; unable to maintain their humble domiciles or continue to pay on the loans to the banker, the homes started to become derelict and vacant. This condition continued for many eons, the little kingdom getting poorer and uglier every day. Men and woman had no work and nothing to do until one day, some lunatic called out to all the people in all the kingdoms in lands just like the tiny kingdom of East Cleveland and proclaimed “Let’s find us a billionaire!”

The people pulled out their torches and pitchforks and sharpened guillotine blades…..Moral of the story: Been there, done that!


Ohio Barbarian

Ohio Barbarian