So, in honor of Halloween, our scariest holiday other than election day, here is the Official Government-Approved List of Fears:
1) ISIS (they’re everywhere!)
2) Ebola (it’s everywhere!)
3) Al Qaeda (still around)
4) People who tell you not to be afraid (they’re working for the terrorists)
5) Something (as in “If you see SOMETHING, say something…”)
6) For Kids: Your hippie parents and Occupy-creepy older siblings (be sure and report them to the nearest friendly neighborhood Homeland Security personnel, they’ll give you candies!)
7) That Leatherface guy with the chainsaw and Twisty clown from the TV (they may be ISIS)
8) The thing under your bed (could be an ISIS thing, and you’re not imagining it, we believe you)
9) The Boogie-man as you choose to believe in him/her as a higher power (he has ebola and is a Muslim)
10) People who are not like you based on skin color, preferences, religion, politics and everything else all the time everywhere forever, just to be on the safe side!
Citizens remember, fear is your only protection against the forces of whatever, evil, so just stay afraid and you’ll be safe!
Photo by cobalt123 under Creative Commons license