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Top Ten Govt Things to Be Afraid of for Halloween

Be Afraid

The government’s main function these days is to promote fear among Americans. Fear is good for our current way of life, allowing your opinion and votes to be manipulated, and to make sure you’ll go along with any terrible things the government wishes to do to you (surveillance, wars, detentions, quarantines, shredding of the bill of rights…).

So, in honor of Halloween, our scariest holiday other than election day, here is the Official Government-Approved List of Fears:

1) ISIS (they’re everywhere!)

2) Ebola (it’s everywhere!)

3) Al Qaeda (still around)

4) People who tell you not to be afraid (they’re working for the terrorists)

5) Something (as in “If you see SOMETHING, say something…”)

6) For Kids: Your hippie parents and Occupy-creepy older siblings (be sure and report them to the nearest friendly neighborhood Homeland Security personnel, they’ll give you candies!)

7) That Leatherface guy with the chainsaw and Twisty clown from the TV (they may be ISIS)

8) The thing under your bed (could be an ISIS thing, and you’re not imagining it, we believe you)

9) The Boogie-man as you choose to believe in him/her as a higher power (he has ebola and is a Muslim)

10) People who are not like you based on skin color, preferences, religion, politics and everything else all the time everywhere forever, just to be on the safe side!

Citizens remember, fear is your only protection against the forces of whatever, evil, so just stay afraid and you’ll be safe!

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Peter Van Buren writes about current events at blog. His book,Ghosts of Tom Joad: A Story of the #99Percent, is available now from Amazon

Photo by cobalt123 under Creative Commons license

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Peter Van Buren

Peter Van Buren

Peter Van Buren has served with the Foreign Service for over 23 years. He received a Meritorious Honor Award for assistance to Americans following the Hanshin earthquake in Kobe, a Superior Honor Award for helping an American rape victim in Japan, and another award for work in the tsunami relief efforts in Thailand. Previous assignments include Taiwan, Japan, Korea, the UK and Hong Kong. He volunteered for Iraq service and was assigned to ePRT duty 2009-10. His tour extended past the withdrawal of the last combat troops.

Van Buren worked extensively with the military while overseeing evacuation planning in Japan and Korea. This experience included multiple field exercises, plus civil-military work in Seoul, Tokyo, Hawaii, and Sydney with allies from the UK, Australia, and elsewhere. The Marine Corps selected Van Buren to travel to Camp Lejeune in 2006 to participate in a field exercise that included simulated Iraqi conditions. Van Buren spent a year on the Hill in the Department of State’s Congressional Liaison Office.

Van Buren speaks Japanese, Chinese Mandarin, and some Korean (the book’s all in English, don’t worry). Born in New York City, he lives in Virginia with his spouse, two daughters, and a docile Rottweiler.

Though this is his first book, Peter’s commentary has been featured on TomDispatch, Salon, Huffington Post, The Nation, American Conservative Magazine, Mother Jones, Michael Moore.com, Le Monde, Daily Kos, Middle East Online, Guernica and others.

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