CommunityMy FDL

Monday Watercooler


Tonight’s music video is Bibio, “Dye The Water Green” from their E.P. The Green.

An adorable cuddly gray kitten on a blanket

Have you had your U.S. R.D.A. of kitten yet today?

I enjoy when satire can be used to gently suggest better behavior from people. In case you missed it, one of the Onion’s most popular recent articles was “Woman A Leading Authority On What Shouldn’t Be In Poor People’s Grocery Carts:”

As verified by multiple eyewitness reports from supermarkets across the Northampton area, the real estate agent and mother of three is capable of scanning the contents of any low-income person’s basket and rapidly identifying those items which people like that don’t need to be buying, based on the products’ nutrition and cost. Additionally, Gaither, 48, is widely regarded as a leading expert in determining which groceries they would purchase instead if they had any common sense or restraint.

‘There’s no reason she should be loading up on those pricey TV dinners if she’s getting the government to pay for it,’ Gaither told reporters at a local Super Stop and Shop, training her prodigious faculties on a welfare recipient using a benefit card in front of her in the checkout line. ‘If I were on food stamps, I’d just buy two whole chickens and a bag of potatoes—you could feed a family for a week on that and still have money left over.’

‘All that junk she’s buying is just loaded with sugar, too,’ said Gaither, identifying with uncanny speed another critical flaw in her fellow shopper’s grocery selection. ‘No wonder her kids are acting out like that.’

Sources said that Gaither, in addition to being a noted scholar of how the indigent squander her tax dollars at the supermarket, is able to detect with astonishing frequency instances in which poor people claim they are unable to pay their own grocery bills yet, seconds later, pull out a brand-new cell phone that’s far nicer than the one Gaither herself owns. Moreover, as one of the most respected voices concerning the poor’s flawed eating habits, Gaither reportedly possesses the ability to instantly assess when people on public assistance keep coming back to the same fatty foods that pretty much explain how they came to look like that in the first place.

I hope you have better sen than to act like the fictional Carol Gaither, but I bet all of us have seen this woman or her ilk on our Facebook friends list, or perhaps in an email forward from a conservative relative. You could send back this article, but they wouldn’t get the joke.

Housekeeping notes:

  • Please review our About Us page if you need a refresher on site rules, and
  • We encourage you to use our flag system — if you see an abusive comment, user or post, please flag it rather than replying. We review every flag and take the best action available to us.
  • If you have questions or concerns about Firedoglake-specific issues, please limit their discussion to Watercooler posts rather than starting new posts or making off-topic comments in others. But remember,
  • Firedoglake editors and staff are not allowed to comment on any moderation decisions.

The Watercooler is an open conversation. Ask questions, share links and your thoughts.

Gratuitous kitten photo by Michael Richardson, released under a Creative Commons license.

Previous post

NRA Announces a Solution for Botched Death Penalty

Next post

Family Research Council gets worst person in the world to refute 'hate group' designation

Kit OConnell

Kit OConnell

Kit O’Connell is a gonzo journalist and radical troublemaker from Austin, Texas. He is the Associate Editor and Community Manager of Shadowproof. Kit's investigative journalism has appeared in Truthout, MintPress News and