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? I saw Mommy Shtupping Santa Clause…Yahoo! ?


(by Anthony Freda via wendydavis @flickr)

Now, do ya think we might be able to do some bidness together? Heh; I thought you might be up for it…

Now I know by now you’ve probably seen the Guardian’s piece ‘revealing’ (so to speak) some Snowden docs about GCHQ having collected almost 2 million global users’ webcam ‘sessions’ over just one six-month period (so to speak) on Yahoo ‘services’ (so to speak), and hooweee is there some dicey footage in there!  Including you and…Santa, or at least someone who looks suspiciously like him…

Now, it didn’t matter if you’d been deemed an ‘intelligence target’ or not, but just by dint of the fact that you’ve been stored …you’re obviously a person of interest now, get it?

Sure does suck to be you, cuz neither the NSA or GGHQ apparently don’t have the ability to filter our Amurricans or Brits from their…peeping and snooping, or “Five Eyes” nations – Australia, New Zealand and Canada.  And anyway, the Limeys’ Laws don’t mind if they spy on law-abiding, if sexually (ahem) provocative folks without a warrant.  But they weren’t greedy SOBs; they spread ‘em around to various other agencies.

The docs mention that the Big Spook Daddies found that ‘unfortunately it appeared that a surprising number of folks use webcamming to show intimate parts of their bodies to another person, and that since the Yahoo software allows multiple watchers without ‘reciprocal streams’, sometimes egad the it was used for pornography.

Well, darlin’; your ‘conversation’  just happened to be within that 3 to 11% of captured imagery called ‘undesirable nudity’, which I would take as a bit of a diss, myself.  But yeah, they also made a category called ‘naiive pornography’, meaning there wasn’t as much of the ‘undesirable’ bits of skin.

And being of righteous morality, their spying was completely ‘legal, authorized, necessary, *and* proportionate’… so of course when they finally twigged to the fact that there was a whale of a lotta porn footage, they gave their employees this stern XXX warning:


NSA ragout 2

 Now they apparently dicked around (so to speak) with auto-search ‘face’ (sic) recognition and iris recognition programs for a time, but it’s unclear how far that went.  And anyway, they only grabbed an image every five minutes, they say, so it’s not like they stored all the porn, just parts of it.  And lol, some brilliant wag already put together a video and added one of the Cramp old songs to it.  Lux and Ivy would have dug the shit out of it.  Remind ya of anyone you know?  But do contact me soon to see…what we might arrange to quash your Santa Fun video, okay?  Not to mention who’s playing Santa, eh?  Revenge is only so sweet, remember.



(cross-posted at Café

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