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A Message To America From the One Percent

An opened Amazon shipping box

Contains: One (1) Capitalism.

Thank you for purchasing our outstanding new product, 21st Century Free Market Capitalism. We are very proud of this new upgrade of our previous popular products–18th, 19th, and 20th Century Free Market Capitalisms. As you know, this product features impressive economic equality accessories, inspiring job creation, upwardly upward mobile mobility, discount coupons for the recently deceased, a wide variety of safety net options ranging from responsibly slashed entitlements to no entitlements, and vastly expanded national security measures to keep you all safe from terrorists, anarchists, illegal aliens, labor union thugs, secular humanists, Pope Francis, and all forms of actual journalism.


Contents may settle during shipment.

Some additional tax cuts for the rich may apply.

Graphic hypocrisy on Sunday morning talk shows may be too intense for some viewers.

Individual results may vary.

No user-serviceable parts included.

Drones in your rear view mirror may be closer than they appear.

Discontinue use if you experience nausea, vomiting, fever, convulsions, or more than one stroke.

Job creators are not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, and/or catastrophic economic damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform.

Ted Cruz action figure included, avoid contact with skin.

Jamie Dimon action figures sold separately.

This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Any resemblance to Serfdom or Indentured Servitude is unintentional and purely coincidental.

Consult your psychiatrist before voting.

Not to be used as a personal flotation device.

Employment status is subject to change without notice.

Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.

Use only in a well-ventilated foreclosed home.

Any reproduction, retransmission, or rebroadcast of any facts anywhere about anything without the express written consent of the Koch Brothers is strictly prohibited.

Contents may evaporate under no pressure at all.

Not recommended for children, adults, or senior citizens.

Consumer protections are no longer valid in any areas whatsoever.

On weekdays and weekends, this product may be subject to imploding without notice.

This is not an offer to sell securities . . . well . . . actually, it is.

Please remain seated until the economy comes to a complete stop.

No refunds.

Further information may be obtained by calling our toll-free number, 1-800-FREE MARKET.

Don’t worry, be happy . . .

Photo by George Grinsted released under a Creative Commons Share Alike license.

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