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Massive NSA Data Storage Center in Bluffdale Has Ghosts in the Machines

CompInsideSince Bloomberg News first reported two days ago that the new 1.2 million square foot NSA data storage and processing center had undergone ten electrical surges that caused electrical fires and explosions resulting in fried and melted equipment costing ‘hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth (sic)  of damage already, speculation about the causes has run wild.

The Guardian is reporting that the Fickled Fingers of Blame are pointing wildly among the architects, Army Corps of Engineers, and even Rocky Mountain Power and Pacific Corp., which supplies the massive amount of electricity needed to run the place.

William Binney, a mathematician who worked at the NSA for almost 40 years and helped automate its worldwide eavesdropping, said Utah’s computers could store data at the rate of 20 terabytes – the equivalent of the Library of Congress – per minute.

‘Hell, that’s a yottabytes the place will hold!’ locals in the environs of Bluffdale were heard to exclaim (as they drove out of sight). Just two weeks ago spokespeople for the new center played coy when asked by residents if it were indeed yet open for snooping. But they were assured that it was a friendly place, and warranted no fears by locals.

A spokesperson for the NSA, Vanee Vines, suggested in a statement that the 247-acre site was getting back on track.

The failures that occurred during testing have been mitigated. A project of this magnitude requires stringent management, oversight, and testing, before the government accepts any building.

However, the cause of eight of the 10 surges, known as arc fault failures, remain disputed, and investigators have not ruled out further meltdowns, which were compared to flashes of lightning inside a 2ft box.

The Salt Lake Tribune reported last week that:

…a 2008 internal Department of Defense report said such a grid ‘will be heavily reliant on end-to-end virtual networks to interconnect anyone, anywhere, at any time with any type of information through voice, video, images or text.’ It is described elsewhere as “analogous to a secured World Wide Web.’

Bluffdale fits tightly into that global vision, NSA officials confirmed in their Tribune interview, in that it gives analysts with appropriate security clearance (heh) at NSA headquarters in Fort Meade, Md., other U.S. locations and spy posts around the world access to its data and computers.

‘We’re basically running it for the [intelligence] community,’ Davis said.

The NSA also has pioneered so-called ‘cloud-centric’ technology to let outside agencies reach remotely into its enormous data pools. And the agency has spent years matching its computer architectures and systems with those of other intelligence gatherers — including those managing U.S. reconnaissance and geospatial satellite imagery — to ease information flows.

This intrepid reporter has culled through her various sources’ information and is presenting two of the most likely culprits and scenarios whose aims are to render this ‘One Ring to Rule Them All’ spy center … useless.

When I contacted my source inside MI-5 (a member of the cleaning staff), she told me that she’d overheard the Spook agency’s new head, Andrew ‘Because Terrorists’ Parker, insisting that the electrical surges at the mega-spy-center were Al Qaeda in origin.   See:

He apparently claimed that NSA Chief General ‘Make it So’ Clapper had communicated with him by secure TOR email that in fact they were in the process of tracing the movements of a Muslim male who had received liberated nanotechnology from DARPA that his homies had programmed to use miniscule lasers to fire when activated.  Said Terrorist then switched places with one of the electrical contractors working on the Bluffdale project, installed them in some of the junction boxes, and were able to monitor them by miniature DARPA infrared cameras, and surge the systems at will by secure smartphones (not the rubbish ones provided by USian telecoms).

This intel had not been corroborated at the time of publication of this post.

The second theory came via a Hillary Clinton detractor living in the Belly of the Beast.  He maintains that there exists a communications among the at-risk-of-sexual-scandal American Oligarchy that works by an osmotic principle much like the vaunted and legendary Turtle Island Moccasin Telegraph, and that they were all summoned to a secret underground ‘prayer’ breakfast at which they summoned the spirits of dead ancestors that were asked to (ahem) act as virtual poltergeists, creating havoc with the electrical system.  This anonymous source claimed to have heard whispers about there having been an enormous black pentagram painted on the floor of the breakfast room, but again: I haven’t been able to corroborate that, either, as Clinton’s handlers  have not returned my calls.

What have you heard about what or who has been sabotaging the facility, and for what reasons and incentives?  Or at what price, for that matter?  The rumor mill has it that someone at DARPA made a hella deposit into his Cayman Island numbered account recently, but of course, I can’t corroborate that.  Yet.

I’ve heard absolutely no reports that it all might be down to the former Indigenous occupants of the area beating out Heartbeats on their skin drums and disrupting the flow of electricity in dissent.

cross-posted at

Image by pyroclastichawk, via flickr CC.

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