In their mission to provide their viewers with only the most ridiculous paranoid conspiracies conceivable, Fox News “cyber-terrorism expert” Morgan Wright explains that the terrorists are going to take over your car remotely (presumably using an Xbox controller) and make you careen wildly out of the Taco Bell drive-thru before you can grab your 12-pack of Cool Ranch Loco Tacos and 64-ounce El Gordito Mr. Pibb and then you will starve to death and the terrorists will have won. The end.
Or something like that.
In a segment titled “Al Qaeda Behind the Wheel: How Terrorists Could Crash Your Car,” cyberterrorism analyst Morgan Wright said that it was a “fact” that “you can take control of a car” through systems like General Motor’s OnStar.
“My concern is when they not only just hack the car, they hack the systems that control these cars or have access to them,” Wright noted. “A lot of people say that’s far fetched, but one of my examples, you know, on Sept. 10th, 2001, we thought it was far fetched to fly four airplanes into a building, never thought it could happen. So, never say never.”
They hijack airplanes, don’t they?
A clearly concerned and stupid Jenna Lee is all “OMG! What do we do? Are we all gonna die? How does my hair look? Do you think I’m pretty?”
“Go back to the horse and buggy,” Wright laughed. “As these things come more connected, your car is loaded with maybe 70, 80 computers at a time, monitoring your emissions, your telemetry, your tire pressure, things like that. So again, maybe it’s a short-range thing, maybe it’s somebody controlling it from afar. But the point about it is the more connected we become as a society, the more vulnerabilities we have, because, guys, that’s just the Internet.”
IT’S THE INTERNET! YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW!!! IT’S ALREADY IN YOUR HOUSE!! GET OUT!!! RUN, BITCH, RUN!
Unfortunately Jenna failed to point out that the Muslim Car-Mind Control Initiative was a key condition of Kenyan Muslim Usurper’s car bailout, so she’s not going to get promoted to Fox primetime in the very near future.
Unless, of course, she puts out for Bill O’Reilly, in which case the world is her loofah. Or falafel. One of those…