Must Credit Jesus. Then Go Take A Leak Against A Wall.

Well, it’s Tuesday which means that, like the other six days of the week, conservatives must find something to be offended about because their anger at a world that goes out of the way to slight them on a daily basis is the animating force in their lives that allows them to get out of bed in the morning instead of curling up in the fetal position and letting a tidal wave of life’s regrets and failures and disappointments and shame drown them in a bottomless black pool of despair.

So Happy Tuesday! What’s on the menu for today?

Not Sam Adams beer.

The advertisement, called “Independence,” features a bartender discussing Founding Father Samuel Adams, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and the beer’s namesake.

“Why name a beer after Samuel Adams?” the bartender asks. “Because Samuel Adams signed the Declaration of Independence. He believed that there was a better way to live. All men are created equal, they are endowed with certain unalienable rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

But the bartender left out one aspect of the text — and an important one at that.

The preamble of the Declaration of Independence states “… all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

And the advertisement’s omission of the clause didn’t go unnoticed. Samuel Adams’ Facebook page was inundated with posts criticizing the company for eliminating the reference to God.

One user wrote, “So run a commercial during Independence Day and intentionally misquote the portion of the Declaration of Independence.”

“Put God back in your commercial or loose [sic] this customer! History shows that Samual [sic] Adams was a Christian and a God fearing man,” said another.

Alas, it seems there is canonical law  as contained in The Holy Book Of Beer Institute Advertising Code, prohibiting such blasphemy, which says:

‘Beer advertising and marketing materials should not include religion or religious themes.’

Besides, everybody knows that Jesus is more of a water-to-wine kinda guy.

Also, I hear he’s an ass-man.

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