I’m not a wealthy man, never have been and never will be.

But if I were, and I wanted to make some quick and easy money, here’s how I would do it.

The President has a bit of a problem you see. He wants to approve the Keystone Pipeline for his paymasters, but this is one of those issues that those damned progressives who are “fucking retarded” (his COS words, not mine) on his own side don’t like at all, and they’ve gotten enough of his most loyal followers to join them that it’s a real problem.  What to do??

If anyone’s been paying attention at all to this President, then what to do is obvious.

I’ll first get out and say some really pretty words that will be like ice water to a lost man in the desert to those most loyal followers who so desperately want to believe, and I will propose some mostly not very big deal changes but nonetheless real changes that probably should’ve been done the day I took office but I was waiting for the opportune time to do it instead and don’t you know that time has come.

And also in that speech I’ll lay out a way so as to approve the Keystone Pipeline (which some have called “Game Over” for the planet) with enough cover to appease those who so desperately want to believe but not those who are actually paying attention to reality.  In this way, I will maintain my most base level of support while further alienating all of those who are fucking retarded, leaving the old Democratic “base” split for a generation (makes things easier for my paymasters in the future doncha know).  Maybe I can come up with some way of approving it that looks like it not only isn’t game over for the planet, but it wouldn’t even harm the planet at all.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Oh, and also, too, while I’m speaking, I’m gonna make sure and take climate change credit for the fact that our countries carbon production is at it’s lowest level in 20 years, since those true believers won’t bother with the fact that umm, that’s because our entire economy crashed a couple of years ago and still hasn’t, and likely never will, recover.  Oh I can’t wait to make this speech.  It will be such fun!!

Bank on it….  Put all you’ve got on the Keystone Pipeline getting a YES from President Obama.