Those Bolshevik Rapscallions and Their Blasted Velocipedes

Someone at the Wall Street Journal Home for the Liver-Spotted, Phlegmy And Smelling of Three Week-Old Baby Powder, must have left the bed-rails down again because Dorothy Rabinowitz, who is so old she that used to baby-sit Phyllis Schlafly’s mom, is standing on the lawn in her nightgown and shaking her bony fist at that young upstart Michael Bloomberg because he is ‘begriming” New York City Amsterdam with those newfangled dandy horse contraptions:

The Wall Street Journal has made an epic editorial video blasting NYC’s new bike share program (called Citibikes).

The lead plaintiff is editorial board member Dorothy Rabinowitz, who calls Bloomberg totalitarian, and says that she speaks for the great majority of New Yorkers who detest the bikes, and that they’re a fire hazard.

According to Rabinowitz (who along with Grover Cleveland invented the Cleveland steamer – not that she gets any credit  or royalties from it – TRUE FACT), these be-wheeled virginity robbers will unleash a wave of terror and lawlessness not seen since that nice young man, A. Mitchell Palmer, was brought in to make the streets safe once again; allowing ladies of refinement and pleasant temperament to safely stroll down to the local confectionery for an ice cream soda or maybe to the apothecary for a bottle of laudanum for when the menstrual cramps hit like a Jack Johnson gut punch:

“Do not ask me to enter the minds of the totalitarians running this city.”

“I would like to say to the people who don’t live in New York… envision what happens when you get a government run by an autocratic leader.”

“We now look at a city whose best cities are absolutely begrimed by these blazing blue Citibank bikes.”

“It is shocking to walk around this city.”

“The most important danger in this city is not the yellow cabs… it is the cyclists, empowered by the city administration.”

“I invite the mayor… to stand on Lower 5th Avenue and see exactly what happens every day.”

Chaos! Anarchy! Pandemonium! Dusky-skinned negroes failing to step aside and humbly doff their cloth caps when a lady walks by!

Obviously that ne’er-do-well Bloomberg (Bloomberg!) must be on the take because, let’s face it,  he’s going to be out of a job real soon and NYC ain’t a cheap town to live in like, say, San Francisco.

What say you, Dorothy?:

“The bike lobby is an all-powerful enterprise.”

Behold the power of Big Schwinn.

Also: Agenda 21.

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