Mommy and Daddy Fight Because You Are Stupid
Things are not going very well over at the Fox News household.
No they most certainly are not.
First Fox divorced-fired Sarah Palin because she is not pretty anymore and if you say dumb things on TV like Sarah Palin does and you are not pretty to look at, people will just kind of focus on your ropey-looking turkey neck while trying to tune out the horrible sounds that come out of your mouth while inwardly praying for the sweet relief of something more pleasant to listen to like one of those male catheter commercials or maybe a cat being hit by a car outside.
Then Fox got rid of Dick Morris because he is dumb and stupid and wrong, which is not necessarily a firing offense at Fox (see: everyone on Fox & Friends), but in Dick’s case they made an exception. Probably because he sucks whore toes which is kind of gross because you don’t know where they have been. Like, for example: Dick Morris’ mouth.
Now comes word that Fox ratings are spiraling counter-clockwise down the crapper which can only mean that money woes are sure to follow and everyone knows that when the money gets tight mommy and daddy start fighting, even worse than those nights when daddy comes home really late reeking of booze, cheap perfume and also whore toe breath.
Why just last night (Tuesday) Falafel Bill O’Reilly was yelling at Laura Ingraham for confusing the usual gang of dumb Fox viewers by saying that Bill was wrong about something and BILL IS NOT GOING TO LET SOME SOME DACHSHUND-FACED LADY WITH A VOICE LIKE AN ADENOIDAL DRILL PRESS TALK SHIT ABOUT HIM TO BILL O’REILLY AMERICA:
Ingraham agreed with O’Reilly that gay marriage opponents are not always good at making their case, but said O’Reilly unnecessarily insulted them. O’Reilly insisted he made an “honest point” about gay marriage, and shocked Ingraham by saying that opponents cannot cite the Bible in a policy argument. Ingraham told O’Reilly he was being disrespectful, which led O’Reilly to tell Ingraham he’s “disappointed” in her.
O’Reilly scolded her for criticizing her for his “accurate description,” saying he doesn’t really care whether it was unhelpful or if anyone took offense, it was an “accurate and honest attack.”
Looks like someone won’t be getting a late night sexy call from Bill-O. Her loss.
Meanwhile Sean Hannity, who is Jim Hoft with better hair, has a two-night feud going with Fox “Democrat” Kirsten Powers over the sequester and, oh yeah, Hannity is one of those guys who has been relegated to vacation-stalking the Obama tweens, probably because he has been banned from all of the Hot Topic stores for being creepy in the One Direction aisle. Anyway … more arguing:
Hannity tried to goad Powers into saying that the Obama administration “lied” about the sequester cuts that would need to go into effect, including comments by Homeland Security head Janet Napolitano about cutting border agents that ended up being unfounded. Powers would only go so far as to say Obama “exaggerated” about what the cuts would entail.
When he got the chance, Hannity changed the subject to the heated debate he and Powers had the night before. He first asked why she called him “hateful” before she corrected him, saying she actually called him “mean-spirited” for criticizing the federal spending that has gone towards vacations for Sasha and Malia Obama.
“I was surprised to hear you bring the daughters into it,” Powers said, “and I just thought this would be an area you’d leave out of it and it did seem particularly mean-spirited to me.” Hannity reiterated his objections to the vacations, but Powers wasn’t changing her position, insisting that they have nothing to do with the sequester spending cuts. She ultimately ended the segment by telling him, “We’re just not going to agree on this.”
I am glad to see that Sean and Kirsten are not going to bed angry and hopefully Kirsten will soon be back to her regular Fox job; ineffectively defending reality against the words written on the flash cards that the Fox producers hold up for Hannity to sound out, while creating the kind of sexual tension and meaningful glances you rarely see outside of a Lindsey Graham / Kelly Ayotte press conference…