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Grifting Towards Bethlehem

Just like herpes, Snowbilly Snooki is back!

This time to save us from the Godless Heathens and Muslims who profane Our Lord and Savior’s Sacred Birthday with gift-giving that is not limited to giving frankincense, myrrh, and gold (from Kay Jewelers) to the Baby Jesus. And also so she can make a little extra pin money off the rubes because mama needs a new pair of Naughty Monkey fuck-me pumps.

Sarah Palin has a new book coming, this time about Christmas.

The former Republican vice presidential candidate and Alaska governor has a deal with HarperCollins for “A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas,” scheduled for November. HarperCollins announced Monday that the book will criticize the “over-commercialism” and “homogenization” of Christmas and call for a renewed emphasis on the religious importance.

You will undoubtedly notice that announcement didn’t say that Sarah Palin is actually writing the book using real words and punctuation and shit like that to form sentences which impart “ideas”. No, she just has a book coming out.

“Amidst the fragility of this politically correct era, it is imperative that we stand up for our beliefs before the element of faith in a glorious and traditional holiday like Christmas is marginalized and ignored,” Palin said in a statement released through her publisher. “This will be a fun, festive, thought provoking book, which will encourage all to see what is possible when we unite in defense of our faith and ignore the politically correct Scrooges who would rather take Christ out of Christmas.”


According to the publisher, the book will advocate “reserving Jesus Christ in Christmas – whether in public displays, school concerts (or) pageants. Palin also “will share personal memories and traditions from her own Christmases and illustrate the reasons why the celebration of Jesus Christ’s nativity is the centerpiece of her faith.”

Christmas memories to include, but are not limited to:

  • The year that eight year-old Sarah received her first Airborne Wolf Killer Barbie™
  • The year that either Sarah or Bristol was pregnant with the immaculately conceived baby Trig.
  • The year that Bristol was pregnant with the immaculately conceived (while woozy from so many Bartles & James) baby Sled.
  • And the year that Track immaculately knocked up his girlfriend (then wife, now ex-wife) with baby a-Dimethylbenzene-ethanamine (or, Methyl Sue, as they call her)

So many memories! So much Christian joy!

And when will this book be coming out, you may very well ask? According to the publisher, in November, just in time for the Black Friday Walmart Stampede & Trampleathon.

Remember: Jesus saves. But He saves even more at Walmart.

Glory in the highest!

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....