With December 25th just on the other side of the coming weekend, I suppose it’s fair to ask (for those of you who celebrate the holiday): Do you have all of your Christmas shopping done yet?

Not so fast… are you sure?  Have you forgotten any of our favorite Washington, DC, political figures who, although they might be doing much better than you or me financially, might really need a particular gift this holiday season?

Here’s a partial list that I came up with, based on the news of recent days:

Mitch McConnell (R-KY, Senate Minority Leader): An Ashley Judd screen saver, with eyes that move so they seem to be watching him.

John Boehner (R-OH, Speaker of the House): Several tall, stiff drinks to drown the sorrow of being humiliated by his own caucus over the “Plan B” fiscal cliff bill.  Oh, wait, he appears to have already gotten that gift for himself…

Wayne LaPierre, executive VP of the National Rifle Association: Speaking of waiting, I want to hold off on his gift until I see how many normal people really grasped the Onion-like ridiculousness of his rant this afternoon.  If he damaged the NRA cause, let’s give him a weekly show on Fox News.  If not, then I’d like to wish him someone to sew his jaw and lips shut indefinitely.

Barack Obama, president of the United States: Another wait-and-see… but, then again, maybe it’s safer not to wait.  Let’s hope LaPierre’s oral surgeon pays POTUS a visit next, or chip in for a straitjacket to make sure he can’t sign away any unnecessary concessions like chained CPI for Social Security.

Anyway, your ideas are probably a lot more clever than mine.  Please feel free to offer your suggestions in the comments… and merry Xmas!

Photo by Franz Janis under Creative Commons license.



Swopa has been sharing prescient, if somewhat anal-retentive, analysis and garden-variety mockery with Internet readers since 1995 or so, when he began debunking the fantasies of Clinton-scandal aficionados on Usenet. He is currently esconced as the primary poster at Needlenose (www.needlenose.com).