Talk of secession is heating up again in Texas. I know, I know, many of you are thinking, “Adios, mofos.” I can’t say I blame you. But, there are some of us here behind the curtain of ignorance (otherwise known as the Red, Sabine rivers) that need your prayers.

There’s a part of me that wishes the yahoos could have their own place, call it Yahooville. I’d like to watch them try to get along with one another and with the world. Imagine their dream state: no public education, no science, everyone is armed, and everyone is home schooled to obey their immediate supervisor (parent, boss, secret policeman) and to distrust everyone else.

I’d like to tell you this recent brush with insanity has nothing to do with race. Can’t. It has everything to do with the presence of a non-white person in the White House. Most of the folks rant about a federal government while picking up their Social Security checks or getting their parents or grandparents help through Medicare or Medicaid.

They don’t know Obamacare from lawn care. It’s the name that throws them. And it wasn’t long ago they were all yippeeing themselves over President George W. Bush, a president that drove the country deep into a debt that they never gave a hoot about until a black man was in charge of it.

Now, Governor Rick Perry started this nonsense, of course. A couple of years ago he spoke of secession in glowing terms. Now he’s repudiating the little know-nothings he created in his image as if he had nothing to do with the phenomenon. So it goes.

The thing is, it is a decided minority of Texans that talk this nonsense. Please believe me, although I know you see a lot of evidence to the contrary. Texas is a wondrous place. It’s part of the South. It’s part of the West. It’s part of the Great Plains. We went to the moon. We have Willie Nelson.

We also have a great bunch of hard-working, compassionate people who deserve better than to be thrown a bunch of paranoid, bigoted loonies. The greedy feed the loonies to keep Texans distracted while they loot the treasury. It’s not a new story, although it remains a sad one. The distractions work. Republicans I know secretly hate the fact that their club is now run by the nuts. But then, they were happy enough to make common cause with the nuts to put themselves in power.

So, when the secessionists make you think about throwing this particular tub of bathwater out the window, remember, some of us are the babies.

I’d entertain thoughts of giving the crazies the Panhandle. But there are good people in the Panhandle, too, and I hate to seem them jettisoned from the Union on a whim.

But here’s another thought. How about a big damned boat? Why don’t we give the secessionists their own giant cruise ship. They can then go where they want and be men-without-a-country together.

That’s the thing. These idiots think of themselves as patriots, when the only thing they really worship is their own sorry selves. The more I think of it, the better I like the boat idea.

A different kind of Boat People. There’s a certain symmetry in that I could grow to appreciate.

Photo by ecstaticist under Creative Commons license.

Glenn W. Smith

Glenn W. Smith