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What Truly Matters

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Please Note: This mailed-in masterpiece was originally posted at DFQ2 with the title, What Truly Matters.

It really has nothing to do with Jane. I just figured the new title would help this beaut get more page views. And isn’t that what truly matters?

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misunderstood socialite or fruitcake?

Jill Kelley is the woman at the center of the Petraeus scandal. I have come very late to this party. An anonymous source has filled me in and the following is based on that information.

This is the latest. There is word of phony charities, a set of evil twins, shirtless FBI agents, generals, and CIA involvement. Oh my, this is getting very juicy!

One would have to do a lot of research in order to give it blog justice. This is so convoluted, it’s ridiculous. One could spend hours and hours reading on it and still be wondering wtf.

The original title for this mailed in entry was This Is Either Very Good Or Idiotic. I am betting big money on the latter.

Here’s what we’ve got so far. Of the Lebanese twins, Kelley is apparently delusional and thinks she’s a diplomat. My source also says she’s in thick with Republicans. Unfortunately, Soc-donk Autopilot II is undergoing maintenance, so we will not be able to offer much political insight on that.

Basically, Miss Kelley had been hosting tons of parties for the Republicans in Tampa during the convention. This source has informed DFQ2 that in addition to bourbon and sweet tea, on offer were frosty, refreshing sasparillas. But we digress.

Jill’s twin has been in big with the Democrats. She’s been buddies with John Kerry and some others. Apparently she has even been taking huge loans from a Democratic campaign fund. My source says this can be neither confirmed nor denied since only one source was read with that mentioned. I can neither confirm nor deny that either since because I’m donkeytale, I am part and parcel of the DLC. You can’t expect me to throw my own people under the bus.

This has to be the biggest twin story in the news since Arthur Fonzarelli dated the Polaskey twins.

We’ve even got the FBI doing illegal hacking jobs into US citizens’ emails. According to Glenn Greenwald, what truly matters in this scandal is how out of control the spy factory is. Donkeytale, however, might counter that Glenn Greenwald is a Cato Institute graduate and as much a tool of the state apparatus as anyone.

Are the twins creepy nuts who have had the military, FBI, and CIA eating out of their hands? Do the American people have what it takes to ask what truly matters? I’m not so sure.

I’ve seen this over and over with the new “big story.” The media and public eat it up. OJ. The missing chick in Aruba. The Nanny. Who’s gonna win on Dancing with the Stars. I have yet to see many big time stories catch traction which should. Like stopping illegal wars. Like let’s drastically cut the military-industrial complex and put that money into developing a bright, utopian future. On how we have become a police state. On how there is so much inequality. You know, things that truly matter to leftier than thous such as myself.

Is Jill Kelley nuts? Does she run some high powered hooker outfit? Is she a spy? It’s endless. And of course it will all boil down to what Nancy Grace and Anderson Cooper think. That’s how these marbles roll.

Of course there is an entertainment value to all of this. Kelley called 911 all day long. During one of her calls she told the dispatcher she needed diplomatic protection. RIOTOUS!

My favourite radio DJ Charles was talking about the scandal. I agree with his schtick. This is all about sex combined with fruitcake. It’s really no one’s business. Just as none of us needed to know about Clinton and Lewinsky.

This isn’t a spy novel or a security risk. This is about sex, period. Or is it?

Should civilians be allowed to give lavish parties for the highest ranking military officials? Could that be a potential security risk?

Ok, let’s move on to some more potential food for thought.

Those blokes were way too happy to be doing favours for that woman. A judge in the custody battle between the twin sister and her husband thought Jill Kelley was mentally unbalanced.

Apparently she conned Petraeus and Allen into writing letters of recommendation so her sister could get custody of her kid back. Wtf? Can you imagine the look on that judge’s face when he opened those letters? Probably WTF! I think it was a huge lapse in judgment for them to be writing those letters.

Yes, I don’t believe they are spies. They are too stupid for that.

However, if the highest ranking military people can be corrupted by two evil twins, they could be taken in by spies very easily. Not that I care. Just saying.

What in the hell did these women have on those men to make them do the things they did?

Jill Kelley and her oncologist husband set up a non-profit charity that was supposed to grant dying cancer patients a last wish. They had an anonymous person seed it with $150,000. Then they spent it all on entertainment and not one cent went to help any cancer patient? Who knows how much money was funnelled through that fund.

Hollywood couldn’t even make up this crap! It’s a comedy of errors. Not to mention that these twins are completely broke and I think one of them is 3.6 million dollars in debt and seeking bankruptcy.

I’ve also heard that Tampa is quite the “swinging” sex community. An FBI agent Jill talked to sent her a shirtless photo of himself? It’s hilarious. Though I still think there is a lot of stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Poor Paula Broadwell is looking like a saint in comparison. She’s the one who had the affair with Petraeus. Yet, she was going to Harvard and working on a PhD.

My opinion is that she sent the anonymous emails to Jill Kelley to protect Peaches. Then the true nutjob started pestering an FBI friend to find out where they came from. Little did she know that her whirlwind, military social life would soon be cut short.

Jillybean thought she was really powerful. I would bet $50 not one of her high-ranking friends is returning her calls today. In fact, I would bet that there are a whole bunch of hard drives being replaced in Washington.

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