Molly said not to gloat

My hero, Molly Ivins once said it was unseemly to gloat.

It’s sooooooooooo hard not to dance around and chant, “Take your billions of dark dollars and shove them where the sun don’t shine.”

It’s especially hard not to gloat when you hear the Repubs say Hurricane Sandy won this election for President Obama. If Hurricane Katrina was used by God to punish gay people, then Hurricane Sandy was used by God to re-elect Barack Obama.

I wish I was a better human…honest, but John “Tiny” Boehner (pronounced Boner) just said Barack Obama needs to learn the lesson of this election and agree to Romney/Ryan tax and financial policies.

Excuse me, Mr. Speaker, but you sons-of-bitches lost the election. You L-O-S-T.

(My thanks to Monty Python)

You didn’t win! You lost! Your candidate is no more! He has ceased to be in line to run the country! He’s been retired and gone to count his millions!

Your side are losers! Bereft of winning, your side rests in peace! If the election was surgery, the patient would be pushing up the daisies!

The Republican policies are now history! They are off the twig!

They’ve kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!


Molly, I’m trying to live up to your example, but these idiots need to have their noses rubbed in this repeatedly and vigorously. I don’t know if they can learn.

Barack Obama: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

Sir Boehner: It is only a scratch.

Barack Obama: A scratch? I’ve cut off your arm.

Sir Boehner: No, you haven’t. I’ve had worse.

Barack Obama: You are indeed brave, Sir Boehner, but the fight is mine.

Sir Boehner: Let’s call it a draw, then.

Barack Obama: Let’s not, Sir Boehner. I must be on my way now. Perhaps you should have that wound attended to…I suggest you use Obamacare.

Let me gloat just a little, please Molly. For God’s sake, the Republicans ran their campaign on the premise that if you have a vagina, you don’t have a brain.

They believed that if you were homosexual, you would be too busy wearing glitter and dancing on roller blades or shopping for flannel shirts, Doc Martin boots, and antiques to rally support for your civil rights.

They thought they could keep the African American electorate away from the polls by requiring them to have photo IDs, and they figured African Americans didn’t have the attention span to wait in long voting lines.

I’m convinced that they didn’t believe there were enough “LEGAL” Latino voters to make much of a difference in the final outcome.

They were wrong in their assessment of every demographic because they thought there were enough White people to see them through the election. Their biggest failure was in imagining that race and not what’s in America’s best interest would carry the day.

A majority of Americans blame Republicans for the financial messes in which we found ourselves. If they continue to fight President Obama, a majority of Americans will continue to blame Republicans for refusing to help.

Speaker of the House Boehner thought he could control the Tea Party racists…he could not. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell thought he could rally his troops by saying the biggest goal of his party should be to make sure Barack Obama was a one-term President…how did that work out for you, Mitch?

Republican leadership (OK, really rich White guys) were wrong at every turn. They thought they had a crowd with pitchforks and torches behind them, but they were wrong. All they had was a television network full of people that would say anything they were told to say.

If Dubya and the neoconservative ideologues hadn’t run up trillions on the national credit card to kill Muslims into wanting democracy, where would we be, now? If the alarm hadn’t been raised about the Kenyan Socialist that wanted to subject Granny to death panels, where would we be today?

I sound like I knew we would win all along, but that is not true. I have never been so scared we were going to lose in my life. I feared all that Republican money would prevail. I thought the deck was stacked with voter suppression. I lost faith.

I love you, Molly, but if we don’t gloat, Republicans will tell themselves and the people that voted for them that they didn’t’ really lose. They will use Fox News to tell themselves they were cheated out of the election by Godless queers, hippies, niggers, spics, and bitches…or as we can now call them…the majority of Americans.

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