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Snotpuss for President 2012

Snotpuss for President 2012

My cat, Snotpuss, has been following the Presidential debates very closely and has expressed a considerable amount of disappointment in the two candidates by scratching the television screen whenever Obama and Romney appeared, spewing hairballs all over our rug upon hearing their constant lies, flip flops, excuses, and alibis, and  ripping up newspaper articles defending one or the other candidate.  Consequently she has decided to throw her cat collar into the ring and run for President.  To my astonishment she made her announcement to run following the debate last night at 4:00 AM in the morning after much howling and scratching on my bed.

Honestly I think that Snotpuss would make a better President than Barack Obama or Mitt Romney.  Unlike Barack and Mitt, she does not utter ad nauseum the same trite phrases that I have been hearing for months, if not years:  for instance, there is no nonsense about how reducing taxes on the super rich is going to magically create–in the words of Carl Sagan–“billions and billions and billions” of jobs here in the US, and the entire Milky Way.  Nope, you won’t hear any false promises from Snotpuss.  To the contrary, and I might add, quite refreshingly, Snotpuss thinks outside of the box because, not surprisingly, her litter box, being full of poop, leaves little, if any, room for thought.

And I must confess that Snotpuss has never lied to me.  Sure, she scratches me daily, and even bites me occasionally, but she would never make a promise that she would not keep.  She doesn’t have to.  Like any cat, she does whatever she wants to do.   She is very independent and is definitely her own cat, unlike all the other candidates, who are bought and paid for.

I suspect, however, that Snotpuss is more of a Republican than a Democrat at heart, even though she professes no party affiliation.  She believes in killing for the sake of killing (a very Republican concept that recently has been adopted by blue dog Democrats:  Snotpuss hates dogs, especially blue ones); and is very territorial, attacking anyone who dares to enter her world, not unlike the aggressive imperialism of neocons.  On the other hand, she has never paid any taxes, like 47% of the population in our country, purported by Republicans to be lazy, good-for-nothing low life Democrats.  Consequently, there may be a tad of the Democrat in Snotpuss after all.  Hmmmm…perhaps it’s time for the Rorschach test with the pictures suggesting a jackass or an elephant.

If Snotpuss wins the Presidency, I suspect that she may appoint a very unorthodox cabinet.  Purrcy, a ferocious little female in our house, will probably be appointed her Secretary of Defense.  And Murphy, a bengal that can’t shut up, in all likelihood will be her Secretary of State.  Circles, a cat twice the size of Godzilla, is a definite shoe in for Secretary of Agriculture.  And I will be the Secretary of the Treasury since Snotpuss will expect me to keep footing the bills for everything, including the  endless varieties of Fancy Feast.

Snotpuss wants you to know that she will be a good President, better than those other two chameleons that she will be running against.   She believes that our country needs change and a fresh face.  And she wants me to assure you that she is indeed fresh:  otherwise why in the world would she have been named Snotpuss in the first place?

Snotpuss just told me that she approves this message.

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