Todd Akin’s Three Nightmares

Todd Akin’s campaign is under heavy attack from a series of ads from Claire McCaskill featuring women. Specifically, women who have been raped. Diana is probably the hardest hitting, when she says “”I’ve never voted for Claire McCaskill, but because of Todd Akin, I will now.”

That’s Akin’s nightmare: conservative women who are disgusted with his views on women.

But this is only the start of Akin’s problems.

Out in Sikeston, a reliably conservative town in the southeast corner of the state, a longtime local conservative columnist in the Sikeston Standard-Democrat named Michael Jensen shared his thoughts on Akin in yesterday’s paper:

I have tried to warm up to Todd Akin in his bid to unseat incumbent Democrat Claire McCaskill.

I have said repeatedly that though I am fond of McCaskill on a personal level, her support for many of the Obama programs rubs me the wrong way.

And given an appropriate opponent, I would bid a fond farewell to Sen. McCaskill.

But Akin is not that candidate.

As a personal protest – with little significance – I have considered not voting for either Akin or McCaskill. I also considered voting for Akin by holding my nose.

But what would that prove?

I think the best option is to accept another term for McCaskill and continue to stress the values of our region that we hold dear.

That’s Akin’s second nightmare: conservative men who are disgusted with his reactionary views.

One of Akin’s strategists came up with a great idea to push back against all this: a four city tour called “Missouri Women Stand With Todd Akin.” They’re in Rolla today, then on to Springfield and Joplin tomorrow, and will wind up on Wednesday in eastern metro Kansas City — not the urban part of the city, mind you, but where the city and the more conservative ‘burbs meet near Arrowhead stadium. They’re hitting three strongly conservative areas, trying to shore up the wavering part of their base, plus hitting a battleground spot in McCaskill’s backyard.

Headlining these “Missouri Women Stand With Todd Akin” rallies will be the former first lady of Arkansas Janet Huckabee, the distinguished Arkansas uber-mom, Michelle “19 Kids and Counting” Duggar, and DC’s own Penny Nance, head of Concerned Women for America.

Wait a minute . . .

*pulls out Missouri State Highway map*

*re-reads press release*

Um, Congressman . . .

I know Missouri Women. Missouri Women are friends of mine. Unless Penny Nance has some Missouri roots that Teh Google isn’t showing anyone, these aren’t Missouri Women.

Now Arkansas is close to Missouri, but the voters of Joplin, Rolla, Springfield, and Kansas City never made Janet Huckabee the first lady, and Michelle Duggar isn’t doing anything to help Missouri get back the congressional district it lost after the 2010 census. If you’re going to announce a series of “Missouri Women Stand With Todd Akin” rallies, you probably ought to mention some, you know, Missouri Women in your press release.

This pushback tour won’t put an end to Akin campaign’s nightmares. As Ebeneezer Scrooge discovered, nightmares come in threes. If conservative women making ads declaring that they are voting for McCaskill is nightmare #1, and conservative men writing newspaper columns saying the same thing is nightmare #2, what could possibly be nightmare #3?

Let’s see . . . maybe another commercial.

Of course, it’s got to have a woman in it.

No, let’s make it 28 women. A campaign commercial with 28 women.

And they should be not angry or upset, but . . . exasperated. 28 exasperated women.

Is Akin sweating? In the immortal words of Ron Popeil, don’t answer yet . . .

And in this nightmare of a commercial that will haunt Todd Akin, these 28 exasperated women should be naked.

28 exasperated naked women.

And they should not be hidden away in a studio or a home, but they should be outside, in public, in a park somewhere, with all kinds of people strolling around and riding their bikes in the background. Put these 28 exasperated naked women out in full view of anyone who wanders by.

And they should be regular-looking women, not ready-for-supermodeldom-looking women. Tall women. Short women. Women with straight hair and women with kinky hair. Women with light skin and women with dark skin. Women with freckles and women with wrinkles. Women with slim bodies and women with rounded bodies.

28 regular-looking exasperated naked women, out in public.

Is Akin nervous? Don’t answer yet . . .

And they should speak. High voices. Low voices. Young voices. Old voices. Quiet voices. Loud voices.

And every single exasperated voice coming from every single one of those 28 naked womanly bodies is strong and powerful.

They are persistent voices, and these 28 ordinary-looking exasperated naked women standing out in public have one question — just one question — to ask Todd Akin and any other politicians who share his 18th century views.

And they ask it over and over and over again . . .

{!hitembed ID=”hitembed_1″ width=”560″ height=”315″ align=”none” !}

If you don’t trust me with my body, why should I trust you with my country?

If you don’t trust me with my body, why should I trust you with my country?

If you don’t trust me with my body, why should I trust you with my country?

If you don’t trust me with my body, why should I trust you with my country?

If you don’t trust me with my body, why should I trust you with my country?

If you don’t trust me with my body, why should I trust you with my country? . . .

As the makers of the video point out at their website, “In every presidential election since 1964, the number of female voters has exceeded the number of male voters.”

Sleep well, Congressman. If you can . . .


image h/t to DonkeyHotey

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