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Shouldn’t we be opening up our hearts, wallets, and pocketbooks for Todd Akin right now?!

I am looking for my checkbook right now so I can send Todd Akin a contribution to keep him in the race since the Republican Party is withdrawing its financial support from his campaign for fear that his remaining in the race would drag the entire Republican party down the toilet this November.  What a great opportunity to get rid of these turds! What progressive in his/her right mind wants this guy off the stage? I am as guilty as the next guy when it comes to shooting oneself in one’s foot but a complete amputation?! Wow, that is totally awesome to witness.

Yes, I know we should be talking about jobs et al, but if Progressives could make significant gains in the House, couldn’t you find some least bit of residue of love and compassion in your fundamentally Christian heart (unless you are a Muslim like Obama and don’t have no heart) to forgive Todd and contribute to his campaign? After all, “to err is human, to forgive, divine”. C’mon, fess up, didn’t you ever do some filthy, disgusting, evil act in an airport stall when drunk one night on route to a GOP convention and never told your spouse? Nobody’s perfect!!!!

Did you see and hear all those Republican talk show hosts crying yesterday, worried about how Akin’s remaining in the race could possibly cost Republicans the House, a filibuster minority in the Senate, besides blowing Romney entirely off the American continent over to his tax havens in Bermuda, the Cayman Islands, Zurich, et al?  Does it not just break every fundamentalist’s heart to see a SOB sob?

We have got to find a way to keep Todd Akin in this race so that he can keep equivocating on the legitimate meaning of “legitimate rape”.  Let’s help, Todd, by sending him talking points to discuss on Fox about the different and endless varieties of illegitimate rape so when he appears on the O’Reilly show he can really educate the viewers on how illegitimate rape is discussed in the bible and where in Genesis God sayeth that the female body shall shut itself down, cast the serpent’s semen to the ground, and restoreth itself to cleanliness, yada, yada, yada….Or was it in Exodus?  It’s been awhile.

Or let’s provide scientific drawings and charts so Todd will have visual aids to educate those cretinistic creationism fundamentalists about how the body biblically works, having an automatic, God-provided shut off valve in the high fallutin Utopian tubees to block out those demonic seeds.  Neat, huh? Dem der scientists don’t know nuttin. Yep, I betcha the Home Depot in Missoura might even sell dem hi fallutin Utopian tubees right der in its plumbing department.

Where is my bank statement so I can see how much money I have in that checking account?  Can’t let this check bounce.

The Barefoot Accountant

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