Your Restraining Order Only Makes Me Love You That Much More
Slightly shorter Tucker Carlson’s Weakly Reader:
Despite our stringing together a collection of rumors, unsupported assertions, things that sound like they might be true, spurious conjecture and middle school taunts, Media Matters has still not responded to our awesome 24-part exclusive series on why they are big poopyheads. And even though we’ve given them our office number, cell numbers, fax machine number, email addresses, PO box, physical address, Facebook friend requests, places where we hang out on a regular basis, and names and numbers of our closest living living relatives just in case we miss the call or are in the bathroom, they still won’t contact us because they’re afraid.
Maybe we should send them one of the floral arrangements made out of fruit? That would get their attention. You think? Worth a try…