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Waiting for that animated 3-D version of The Fountainhead, I guess

I guess when you have an audience of dozens yet have hours to fill and an order not to “outsmart” Fox & Friends eventually you settle into a theme of stupidity.

Fresh off having one of its squawking heads take on the socialistic evil that is the Muppets, Fox Business retread Lou Dobbs (El Dye-Job Grande) has gotten into the act.

On Tuesday, host Lou Dobbs railed against “The Lorax,” along with the Japanese children’s film, “The Secret World of Arrietty.” “Hollywood is once again trying to indoctrinate our children,” he warned. He claimed that the movies were “demonizing the 1% and espousing green energy policies.”

Yeah, why can’t kids read National Review and beat baby seals with clubs* like real Americans?

The Lorax is, of course, a Dr. Seuss book that was written over 40 years ago, it was made into an animated television special soon thereafter and was aired repeatedly in my childhood. I’m now a middle-aged man, the demo that makes up about 26 of the 42 people that watch Fox Business. So I think the indoctrination argument falls a bit short. Further, the fact they’ve made this 45-page, large-print, illustrated book into a 90-minute movie primarily in the name of making money is the finest indoctrination into capitalism I can think of.

What exactly humors the “talent” at Fox Business anyway? I’m guessing it starts with nut-shots and ends with an ethnic joke.

*Especially Canadian Americans

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In 1949, I decided to wrestle professionally, starting my career in Texas. In my debut, I defeated Abe Kashey, with former World Heavyweight boxing Champion Jack Dempsey as the referee. In 1950, I captured the NWA Junior Heavyweight title. In 1953, I won the Chicago version of the NWA United States Championship. I became one of the most well-known stars in wrestling during the golden age of television, thanks to my exposure on the Dumont Network, where I wowed audiences with my technical prowess. I was rumored to be one of the highest paid wrestlers during the 1950s, reportedly earning a hundred thousand dollars a year. My specialty was "the Sleeper Hold" and the founding of modern, secular, Turkey.

Oops, sorry, that's the biography of Verne Gagne with a touch of Mustafa Kemal.

I'm just an average moron who in reality is a practicing civil rights and employment attorney in fly-over country .