Pam needs Jesus, when Pam meets the Lord that yearning for a member of the same sex will change…she’d probably make a fantastic mother, and would enjoy having a husband who was born male – no Chaz Bono business – born male – and meet her man, and rock her world, in the name of the Lord.”
— Rev. Patrick Wooden, Amendment One supporter, in an interview with professional anti-gay Peter LaBarbera giving unsolicited advice to your blogmistress of perversion.

These guys are a regular Dear Abby column for the misguided homosexual, aren’t they? Peter LaBarbera has made a career out of playing the pious, family-focused anti-gay activist at the grade Z level, all while trolling going “undercover” to research what he believes is mainstream gay society at events like International Mr. Leather, and S&M culture events that plenty of heterosexuals also attend (his skills of observation must be pretty weak).

When those excursions failed to bring in enough dough from conservative little old ladies on Social Security, he found a new gravy train — hooking up (not literally, of course) as other white social conservative anti-gays-for-pay have done, is to trot out groups of rent-a-black pastors to hold sad little press conferences, ostensibly to say “look, we’re not bigots, here are men of God who think you all are diseased/pathological/perverted sinners who don’t deserve civil rights either….AND OUR PEEPS ARE BLACK.”

Enter one Rev. Patrick Wooden, the latest minister to pimp himself to Jesus the professional anti-gay set. He has been hard at work  trying to deny LGBT residents in the state of North Carolina any kind of civil rights protections by conflating church and state matters. Actually, it’s worse than that. While he parrots the usual bible-beating lines, he seems to have spent most of the time in the past week displaying his, um, deep interest in unusual purported sex acts (gay men using iPhones, gerbils, etc. as sex toys) that makes you wonder what his sermons must be like (or based on).

As a pastor flavor of the day — after all NC is a swing state with a marriage discrimination amendment on the ballot May 8, and Charlotte will host the Dem Convention this year — it’s pretty clear that Wooden is basking in the PR limelight at the moment. In his second interview with Peter LaBarbera, they decided to spend/waste time on the air bloviating with false concern about my sex life and reproductive plans/parenting skills, as well as saving my soul.

Not only is this ridiculous, but it’s pretty creepy if you ask me. If I were a paranoid person or living in a country where government and cultural oppression of the lesbian community is violent, I’d think these two are advocating for corrective rape, based on their “friendly talk.” But 1) I am not paranoid, and 2) these clowns are sick, but harmless from that perspective. What they say in the following interview is absurd, condescending and insulting on a personal level (my wife Kate just shook her head when I told her about this bullsh*t), given I currently am denied myriad civil rights in North Carolina that Wooden, as a heterosexual fellow resident, can take for granted.

So let’s go to the audiotape…a hat tip to People for the American Way’s Right Wing Watch for sending me the portion of the interview where “Diaper Pastor” Wooden and The Peter hangout their life advice desk sign for me.

[The transcript is below the fold.]

To continue to focus on “Jesus” and “God” as a battering ram about civil law is purposefully ignorant and a distraction. They know full well civil marriage has nothing to do with religious marriage, and certainly that perversion, sex acts (in particular, focusing on the anus) have nothing to do with being able to have gay and lesbian relationships legally recognized under state law. The amendment NC residents will vote on will not just “protect marriage” from gays — it will deny any legal recognition whatsoever, removing any existing domestic partnerships that already exist in some municipalities.

It’s offensive for Wooden and LaBarbera to toss religion around in this manner (as well as these other fundies do). The assumption is that everyone out there is 1) a Christian; 2) a believer; 3) a Christian that reads and interprets the Bible as they do; 3) too stupid to understand that a personal aversion to homosexuality because of personal issues has no bearing on whether to deny anyone civil rights. We went through that already with interracial marriage. I’m very tired of having to hear bigots like LaBarbera and Wooden share this kind of “love” with a smile — and a dagger poised over LGBTs’ backs.

The transcript:

Peter LaBarbera: According to the left you are a rent-a-pastor, I’m referring to a comment made by Pam Spaulding, a lesbian activist in your state. She does not have kind words for you Patrick. She calls you a bigot, and when she found out that you were appearing at our press conference and said you were among the so-called rent-a-pastors. So she was echoing the same sort of stuff we’ve caught by the SPLC [Southern Poverty Law Center], which to reiterate and remind people that they said the white organizers…which I suppose would be Peter LaBarbera and Matt Barber. We brought along a set of black pastors. So Pam, who happens to be black, she also called you a rent-a-pastor. So how do you feel about that?

Patrick Wooden: Well, first of all, I love Pam, and one of these days I hope to invite Pam Spaulding maybe to lunch, and we can sit down and talk, I have never had the privilege of meeting her. I learned that we were at an event one time together and she did not make herself known [news to me; what event is he talking about?] and of course she knew, if my information is correct, she’s aware of who I am and I did not know her. I love her and I am praying for her, and I wouldn’t dare rail insults for insults or slurs for slurs.

I will say that Christ died for Pam, and Jesus will save her and deliver her from sin and that I have nothing but love for her and look forward to an opportunity to sit down and look her in the eye and to talk to her. Now as for the comment that I am a rent-a-pastor (laughs)…listen, Peter, I’ve been called much worse, and you know, my position is this: I don’t mind being rented for the cause of Christ. I don’t mind being rented for God’s Truth, I don’t mind being used for God’s Truth…as a matter of fact I want to thank her for calling me a rent-a-pastor. And I’ll say to the Lord – you can rent me anytime you want. I don’t know why he would since he owns me, but I will do for whatever cause he would want me to be a part of …here I am Lord, I’m like Isaiah, [blah, blah, blah] as long as I am representing God’s Truth.

Peter, it’s really not about her; we’re just vessels to be used by the Lord. It is the cause…it is the truth of God that we represent that is so important. So if the Pam Spauldings of this world, I wouldn’t get into a shouting match with her, I wouldn’t visit her web site, or her Facebook or whatever and rail insult for insult…

Pam needs Jesus, when Pam meets the Lord that yearning for a member of the same sex will change…she’d probably make a fantastic mother [Um, no], and would enjoy having a husband who was born male – no Chaz Bono business – born male – and meet her man, and rock her world, in the name of the Lord.”

Peter: You’re right about the hatred, you expect that the hatred would come – this is a perversion movement.

Really, I have no idea what public event he and I attended at the same time. Also about that lunch. I’ll sit down with him along with NC House Thom Tillis, and some of the other Republicans and Democrats who voted to put this filthy Amendment One on the ballot — with video cameras rolling  At this point the pols in favor of passing the ballot initiative don’t like defending their position on the amendment based on their political and social alignment with outlandish people like Rev. Wooden. They are now bound at the hip and I want to hear them publicly agree with or denounce arguments for passing an Amendment based on ridiculous, offensive scare tactics like unverified stories iPhones up the rectums of gay men, glory holes, gerbils and junk science that have nothing to do with “saving marriage.” That’s a lunch I’d attend.

Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding