Yo dude, what’s uppppppppppppppppppppppp?

I know you’re the creator of the universe and what not, so you can be male or female, or heck, anything.  You are after all the creator of the universe and all reality.  So dude is as appropriate as any other appellation.

So you gave us this, shall we say “interesting” brain, that tends to question.  In fact our ability to question is the one thing that truly separates us from other animals.  And thus our potential from human animal to human being.  Free will and so on.  BTW, props for the unlimited potential.  Not bad.  Couldn’t have done it better myself.  But a heck of a gamble.  I mean look around dude.  We, as a species, can seriously FUBAR the place up.

But I digress.  My point today is all about your so-called “followers”.  I’m not one of them of course.  Got enough brains to know that the creator of the universe don’t really need obsequious groupies.  And obviously you don’t care if I don’t “follow” you like some lap dog.  In fact I would bet you agree with my decision.  Because honestly so what if I don’t believe in you?  You don’t lose “power” in the process.  My belief in you is irrelevant in the sense that you are the creator of the universe.  I mean is the creator of the universe and all reality going to care if I don’t grovel in front of you?  Of course not.  And as I said, I am certain you appreciate that.

So back to your “followers”.  Yes, yes, I know they are not really your followers.  Like that Dimon guy.  Doing “God’s” work?  Making this place a little more like hell on earth.  I’m pretty sure he works for the other “guy”.  But is there anything you can do about these folks who just make this a shitty place to live?  They not only enslave us, but poison the environment and us.  And themselves.  And their own children in fact.  Since I can’t see how they can separate themselves from the environment.  So how about it?  How about a few well-placed lightning strikes?  I know you’re not Zeus, but certainly a few “convenient” lightning strikes can’t be too bad.  And most of your so-called “followers” will eat that shite up.  Act of God and what not.

Also can you do something about the rampant homophobia.  I mean these haters are complete nutjobs.  Why can’t they mind their own business?  They don’t even take the hint that if “the gays” (yup, that’s what they call them, like they’re some club or official group that all meet the 2nd of every month and discuss their take-over plans) are not part of God’s plan, WHY THE FUCK DOES “HE” KEEP MAKING THEM?  Simon says it much better than I.  The haters have gone to their own little world where reality has no meaning.  I mean what have gay people ever done to them?  And yet they make this world a little more intolerant every day.  So anymore “convenient” lightning strikes would be appreciated.  (You don’t have to kill anyone, maybe a little ETC, elctro-shock, would set their delusional and psychotic minds back to reality.)

And what’s up with the whole serial douche presidencies?  I mean ya we have free will, but was that a good idea?  Seriously dude, reconsider.  Cause I got ex-union prez Reagan going after unions.  Iran Contra.  He started the small gov and less reg BS that started this slow and painful takeover of the oligarchy (ya ya, I know it really started 1 decade before than, but still …).  The best you could do was Alzheimer’s through his presidency?  Seriously?  That hurt us more than it did him.  And then Bush the elder, a chip of the old block.  His dad tried to overthrow the democratically-elected prez of this country.  Then Clinton the corporatist sell-out who tried to gut SS.  But his libido prevented that.  Although unintentional, I thank Lewinsky, … useful fools and what not.  Then Bush Junior.  As in high-school junior mentality, ability, and intelligence.  Not sure what you were thinking with that.  I mean seriously, WTF?! dude.  And then Osterity the great flim-flam man.

What is up with all these douches?  I mean why keep making them?  Do we have come kind of douche shortage?  I mean look around, there’s no Fing douche shortage.  In fact we have too many.  Way to many.  Any chance you can make less in the future?  How about none at all?  Oh ya, you know my opinion on free will in this matter – F it if all these douches are the eventual outcome.  So please no more douches.  For the love of God (ya, I know) please no more.  And can you please do something about the ones we already have?  How about a douche quota.  Or a douche fine.  Or a douche limitation on what they are allowed to do.  I mean McCain and Alaskan Barbie really shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near nuclear anything.  Neither should the above mentioned presidential douches.  Heck I wouldn’t let them clean toilets without supervision.

So ya, that’s my request.  Please.  Less douche bags.  I mean they’re really FUBARing up this place.

NDAA Disclaimer:  I did not write this.  Someone else did.  He or she, should be renditioned.  Ya, and then rendition their dog.  Or their cat as well.  Who knows what secrets those “pets”, ie. commie-spies, are hiding?  And if they have nothing to hide, then they won’t mind will they?  Unless they’re guilty.  I have no idea how you would rendition them.  But I’m sure you guys do.  And what about the neighbors?  Don’t tell me they didn’t know anything.  How about a little enhanced interrogation for them?  And their pets too.  Let’s rendition their house too.  You never know when one of those commie houses got up and came here.  Rip of the doors and windows.  Now talk you commie house.  Plug up the chimney and I bet it will talk.  If not try pouring water down the chimney – no need to be soft on commies, … or their houses, … which are also commies.  That lawnmower is looking pretty suspicious.  Did that lawn chair just eyeball me?  You want a piece of me punk … lawn chair?  You want some of this?  No?  How about all of this?  Looking all innocent just laying down in the back yard, ready to serve as someone’s chair … in the lawn.  Perfect cover.  So you want a piece of me?  Come get some.  Oh, I’m going to enjoy interrogating you, enhanced style.  You don’t want any of me.  You can’t handle the truth … you commie lawn chair … so ya, you guys get the rest, and I will get the lawn chair.  Oh ya, does anyone know where I put my meds?