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The Base

Your up-to-date list of what the Republican base is for, judged by audience response:

* As many people executed as possible;

* Attacking Iran — repeatedly;

* Assassinations are awesome too;

* Hating Muslims;

* Letting the uninsured die;

* And just this Saturday, Child Labor;

And against:

* American soldiers, engaged in tactics other than invading and occupying Islamic nations.

At least most of them will be out of my home-state in three weeks.

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In 1949, I decided to wrestle professionally, starting my career in Texas. In my debut, I defeated Abe Kashey, with former World Heavyweight boxing Champion Jack Dempsey as the referee. In 1950, I captured the NWA Junior Heavyweight title. In 1953, I won the Chicago version of the NWA United States Championship. I became one of the most well-known stars in wrestling during the golden age of television, thanks to my exposure on the Dumont Network, where I wowed audiences with my technical prowess. I was rumored to be one of the highest paid wrestlers during the 1950s, reportedly earning a hundred thousand dollars a year. My specialty was "the Sleeper Hold" and the founding of modern, secular, Turkey.

Oops, sorry, that's the biography of Verne Gagne with a touch of Mustafa Kemal.

I'm just an average moron who in reality is a practicing civil rights and employment attorney in fly-over country .