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Serpent back in his pants, Herman Cain suspends his campaign, announces ‘Plan B’

“As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign. I am suspending my presidential campaign because of the continued distraction, the continued hurt caused on me and my family. Not because we are not fighters…I am not going to be silenced, and I am not going away.” -– Herman Cain

Dawg, it’s over. In an announcement that surprised no one — the backdrop his campaign headquarters Saturday in Atlanta, GOP Clown Car occupant, pizza magnate and a man for all upwardly mobile women — Herman Cain — threw in the towel.

He has suspended his campaign and will endorse a fellow Republican Clown soon, but the public will be now subjected to his “Plan B” — to “continue to be a voice for the people” — on his new website, TheCainSolutions.com.

The best 2012 GOP Clown Car wreck by far, Cain stood there bloviating with dark sunglasses obscuring his lyin’ eyes (with his wife Gloria beside him). I was waiting to say he found Jesus, who forgave him for his wild, Satan-controlled serpent in his pants. Alas, no.

Taylor Marsh:

Saying he’s been “the very first” to own up to the mistakes he’s made, Mr. Cain proves he’s still moored in denial. He continues to denounce the accusations of multiple women accusing him of everything from sexual harassment to having an alleged affair with a woman he provided financial aid to behind his wife’s back.

It’s been a very ugly road to this day. Continuing to claim the “false” allegations “are not true,” Mr. Cain continues to insult us all.

The only distraction in Herman Cain’s campaign was his penis, which was clearly guiding more decisions over the course of Cain’s professional career than the big brain upstairs — and when the little brain does too much of the thinking and decisionmaking, you can guarantee epic @sshattery we’ve seen from oodles of politicians over the years.

Herman — you and Gloria will have to go back to working out that little serpent-in-the-pants problem in private.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding

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