I endorse Newt Gingrich for President!
Memo to Daily Kos, Talking Points Memo, Gloria Allred, Barney Frank, Moveon.org, PrioritiesUSA, the DNC and the Liberal Blogosphere
For Pete’s sake, let’s do everything we can to get Newt nominated!!! I’m endorsing Newt Today! Please consider doing so yourself. And if you can’t stomach the idea of endorsing him, at least keep quiet about Newt until after the GOP has nominated him.
Let’s face it, it’s going to be a tough slog getting President Obama re-elected with nearly 10% unemployment; we need every advantage we can get. And what bigger advantage could we possible ask for then for the Republicans to nominate one of the most detestable, contemptible, despicable, disagreeable, condescending, arrogant, corrupt, lying human beings in the history of the world?
Let’s be honest, we want and need Newt. If we can’t convince the American people to vote for Obama over Newt, we might as well fold up the party and go home.
Short of the Republicans digging up the cold, dead bones of Saddam Hussein and giving him the GOP nomination, can you think of anyone who is more contemptible and therefore easier to beat than Newt Gingrich?
I now it’s going to be hard for us to keep our mouths shut for the next few months. When Newt gives a long, sanctimonious speech accepting his inevitable “Traditional Family Values Man of the Year” Award from the Family Research Council, some of us are going to want to be helpful and offer useful information to the American voters. Stop! We have to hold back!
If we do something really nasty, like tell people honest documented facts about Newt Gingrich’s life, then we are going to drive his negatives up to 100%. That will feel fun in the short term. But if Newt deflates right before Iowa and New Hampshire, what’s going to stop Romney from coasting to the nomination with a string of 23% plurality wins in the first 10 primaries?
I ask you, who would you rather run against, a guy like Mitt Romney who is tall thin, good looking, has had one wife, a good looking family, is bright and talented, has disdain for the Tea Party and has no right-wing or reactionary principles whatsoever (because he has no principles whatsoever)?
Or would you rather run against Newt Gingrich, a man with no discernable charm, grace, integrity, or redeeming values whatsoever? A man who makes the Hamburgler seem loveable? Gingrich, a man who not only reminds women of their first husband, but is statistically likely to have actually been their first husband?
We must resist the urge to eat our cake now for the next month, as much fun as it would be to ridicule and mock Newt and knock him out of the race in the next 60 days. Instead, I beg you, let’s lay off. If we can just keep Newt afloat, he could wrap up the nomination by the end of March. Then, imagine, we could have seven glorious months to mock, ridicule, and expose Newt for what he is, the greatest charlatan and embodiment of political hypocrisy the world has ever know. And in the process, Obama can sail to a 50 state re-election victory and the Republican brand can be ruined for a generation.
So I beg you, don’t say anything remotely truthful about Newt for the next few months. If a reporter calls you and asks your opinion on Newt’s business dealing or family values or workout habits, simply lie. Grit your teeth, and say “I think Newt would be a wonderful representative of the modern conservative movement and the Republican Party and I think he would be a worthy adversary. I urge all Republican voters to support Gingrich!”
I know we don’t usually lie, but this one time it’s really going to be worth it if we can pull it off.