As someone who needs Michele Bachmann’s campaign to stick around for awhile longer for the sheer comedic possibilities it offers up an an almost daily basis, I’m getting a tad worried. With her campaign losing altitude faster than a Palin can lose their virginity ( … or going down faster than Marcus Bachmann at the Y – choose your own analogy), we soon may not have this starry-eyed ingenue dingbat to kick around anymore leaving us with a bunch of old white guys trying to out-crazy each other, and a black guy who is a whole other kind of weird. And nobody wants that.
With Michele’s campaign staff playing take this job and shove it coupled with money getting tighter than Rick Santorum’s sphincter (analogypalooza!) some creative solutions may be in order. If Bachmann has shown a talent for anything in her life it is for collecting foster kids as well as skimming money from the government. Since it is best to play to your strength, wouldn’t it make sense for Bachmann to eliminate paid staff across the country and replace them with foster children? Not only would the savings for the Bachmann campaign be nothing to sneeze at, but the government actually would pay her to take these kids in. Win-win! Campaign offices could be retro-fitted with rows of bunk-beds from Ikea ( I recommend the Flügünblüpüllen), refrigerators could be stocked with Lunchables and juice boxes and, based upon recent events, her campaign probably wouldn’t miss a beat. Michele could teleconference in each night at bedtime to read a story (How The Godless Liberals Stole Christmas), oversee prayers, and dictate the next days marching orders with vague intimations of what happens to kids who don’t fulfill their duties in a satisfactory manner….
Try using that on some snot-nosed college graduate with a fancy-schmancy communications or poli-sci degree. Yeah, they don’t like it one bit. And you know why? Because they’re not team players.
As a bonus the kids would learn important life lessons that will serve them well in adulthood such a self-reliance, responsibility, obedience, thrift, rejection, despair, and, most importantly, accepting the ultimate futility of all human endeavors and existence. Most people don’t learn those things until they grow up and go to work for Wal-Mart….