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Karl Rove’s New Stand-Up Comedy Act After His Political Advice Failed President Bush and the American People

Karl Rove, the man known as Bush’s brain for managing to get George W. Bush elected as governor and president despite the man’s utter incompetence, is auditioning for a new career as a stand-up comic.

Rove – known as being cunning, manipulative, cynical, deceptive, shameless, mendacious and duplicitous – has shown a talent for being funny on his first attempt. Good luck, Karl! Lest you think the comments about his character are partisan face-smacking, consider this: the first president Bush, who was elected thanks to racist ads and other dirty tricks against his opponent, then-Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis, fired Rove for dishonesty.

In his first foray into a role as funnyman extraordinaire, Rove wrote in his Wall Street Journal column, “it’s always dangerous to associate with people who are just plain kooky.” He was warning the Democrats not to get involved with the Occupy Wall Street movement that is sweeping the country with street protests by victims of the economic downturn.

First of all, let’s define kook. The dictionary says: “one whose ideas or actions are eccentric, fantastic, or insane.” Then let’s explore whether or not Rove himself has ever associated with kooks.

“I just want you to know that when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace … I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job … They misunderestimated me,” are all words spoken by the man who occupied the Oval Office down the hall from Rove. You be the judge about whether he was kooky.

“My belief is we will, in fact be greeted as liberators … I think they’re (Iraqis) in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency … Deficits don’t matter,” were all said by the guy who might be described as the other half of Bush’s brain, Vice President Dick Cheney. If that guy wasn’t kooky, we should burn all the dictionaries and redefine the word.

“I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started … Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war … You go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time,” said Bush’s Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld. If you were in the military, would you want your life to depend on whether or not Rumsfeld was kooky?

Douglas Feith, Richard Pearle, Richard Allen, Lewis “Scooter” Libby and other members of the Bush administration advocated going to war against Iraq and inventing reasons when none existed, torturing prisoners, wiretapping U.S. citizens without court orders, and disclosing the identity of an undercover intelligence officer. Since when is that not kooky?

Attorney General John Ashcroft, the person most responsible for domestic security during the Bush administration, had been warned by his predecessor, Janet Reno, that Osama bin Laden and other terrorists were targeting the United States. Instead of beefing up security, Ashcroft discarded the report given to him by Reno and gave a higher priority to covering up the breasts on a partially nude statue, Spirit of Justice, at the Department of Justice. Nothing kooky about that.

Yes, Rove was successful at getting Bush into offices for which he was ill-equipped to serve. Once in office, Rove helped Bush sell the public on a war that only a handful of fanatics wanted by tying Saddam Hussein to Osama bin-Laden’s terrorism and alleging Iraq threatened the United States with non-existent “weapons of mass destruction.” Rove fooled low- and middle-income people that their lives would somehow be improved if wealthy individuals and corporations (such as Enron, headed by Bush’s best friend, Ken Lay) didn’t pay taxes. When Bush frittered away the budget surplus, Rove helped make Americans believe it didn’t matter. Worst of all, Bush had the chance to be the great unifier after the 911 attacks amid the greatest national unity since Pearl Harbor, but instead squandered it on war and pushing a narrow right-wing agenda that eventually alienated everyone outside his base, leaving the United States weak and the most divided it has been since the Civil War. Rove thought he was helping the Republicans achieve a permanent majority. Instead, the Bush administration is rightfully held in contempt by a majority of Americans. Rove kooky? Nah!

Since Rove has already proved his talent at ironic comedy, let’s all watch for him to show up on the Comedy Channel soon.

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John Wright

John Wright

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