Which Would John Galt Order?

Oh Holy Shit.

I don’t check my supersecret not-blogging email address (hawtnakedkjlopez@flaccid.com) for about two weeks and what to my wondering eyes should appear?


Four, count’em , four different editions each with  special features specifically catering to whichever selfish greedhead gang you roll with. (And 62 Facebook “likes”!)

You can choose from (and I’m not making this up):

Atlas Productions Special Edition

“I am John Galt.” fan video compilation (35:06)
“The John Galt Theme” slideshow (3:17)
Special commentary with Producers John Aglialoro & Harmon Kaslow, and Screenwriter Brian O’Toole

Atlas Society Special Edition

Three beautifully produced video commentaries by David Kelley
Exclusive footage from the April 14th premiere
Behind-the-scenes interview with producer John Aglialoro

FreedomWorks Special Edition

“Welcome” from FreedomWorks President Matt Kibbe
“I am John Galt” from the FreedomWorks Staff
“Why FreedomWorks?”

and, most awesomely…

Reason Special Edition

Behind the Scenes of Atlas Shrugged Part 1
“Who is John Galt?”
Reason Foundation Co-Founder Bob Poole on Ayn Rand
Reason Foundation Co-Founder Tibor Machan on Ayn Rand
Reason Foundation Co-Founder Manny Klausner on Ayn Rand
Nathaniel Branden on “My Years With Ayn Rand”
Barbara Branden on the Passion of Ayn Rand

No Freedom Fonzie and the Boy Hipster in the Reason Special Edition? Bummer. Maybe in the Criterion edition to be released later…

But wait, there’s more…

Signed film cells? Who could resist! (“My film cell has a shot of a train!” “So does mine!” “Mine too! Sooooo awesome! Trains are cool”).  And just think of the hours of  fun you can have with your friends by inviting them over for an Atlas Shrugged viewing party … keeping in mind that  you would need to charge them admission to cover your investment and make a small profit on the side.

And remember, if any of your “friends” balk at paying , just call them a  movie looter and tell them that you will not sanction your own victimhood by letting them see it for free, then slam the door in their face … the fucking moochers.

More Mr. Pibb and Jiffy Pop for you…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....