Good evening.

There you go again. Good? We don’t think so.

There are still some very important votes to be taken by members of Congress, but I want to announce that the leaders of both parties, in both chambers, have reached an agreement that will reduce the deficit and avoid default — a default that would have had a devastating effect on our economy.

Really? What both parties? You mean the Money has triumphed again, don’t you? I’ve come to realize what the phrase “structural unemployment” means (yes I’m slow), it means that unemployment is no longer considered cyclical, and you’ve given up on jobs programs. Correct?

The first part of this agreement will cut about $1 trillion in spending over the next 10 years — cuts that both parties had agreed to early on in this process. The result would be the lowest level of annual domestic spending since Dwight Eisenhower was President — but at a level that still allows us to make job-creating investments in things like education and research. We also made sure that these cuts wouldn’t happen so abruptly that they’d be a drag on a fragile economy.

Yeah right. JOBS? Do we hear a JOBS program?

Now, I’ve said from the beginning that the ultimate solution to our deficit problem must be balanced. Despite what some Republicans have argued, I believe that we have to ask the wealthiest Americans and biggest corporations to pay their fair share by giving up tax breaks and special deductions.

Where are the taxes (revenue)? Or was that statement of yours just hot air?

Despite what some in my own party have argued, I believe that we need to make some modest adjustments to programs like Medicare to ensure that they’re still around for future generations.

Why? Provide Medicare buy in and use some of the huge premium profit made by insurance companies to provide health care for all. You know, single payer? That thing you sort-of endorsed and then dropped like a hot potato? How much re-election money did AHIP and its cohorts promise (or promise not to give to a challenger)?

That’s why the second part of this agreement is so important. It establishes a bipartisan committee of Congress to report back by November with a proposal to further reduce the deficit, which will then be put before the entire Congress for an up or down vote. In this stage, everything will be on the table. To hold us all accountable for making these reforms, tough cuts that both parties would find objectionable would automatically go into effect if we don’t act. And over the next few months, I’ll continue to make a detailed case to these lawmakers about why I believe a balanced approach is necessary to finish the job.

No, put the bloody thing through congress. Let’s see what our congress critters really believe, and get it on the record. Make it democratic and constitutional. We don’t need a “central committee”!

Now, is this the deal I would have preferred? No. I believe that we could have made the tough choices required — on entitlement reform and tax reform — right now, rather than through a special congressional committee process. But this compromise does make a serious down payment on the deficit reduction we need, and gives each party a strong incentive to get a balanced plan done before the end of the year.

Yes, you would have preferred to turn the screw now. Don’t you ever listen to alternatives?

Most importantly, it will allow us to avoid default and end the crisis that Washington imposed on the rest of America. It ensures also that we will not face this same kind of crisis again in six months, or eight months, or 12 months. And it will begin to lift the cloud of debt and the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over our economy.

JOBS? That’s the uncertainty. Do we hear even a whisper of JOBS? And Outsourcing?

Now, this process has been messy; it’s taken far too long. I’ve been concerned about the impact that it has had on business confidence and consumer confidence and the economy as a whole over the last month. Nevertheless, ultimately, the leaders of both parties have found their way toward compromise. And I want to thank them for that.

True. And you have carefully not considered all alternatives.

Most of all, I want to thank the American people. It’s been your voices — your letters, your emails, your tweets, your phone calls — that have compelled Washington to act in the final days. And the American people’s voice is a very, very powerful thing.

And you’ve ignored every one from the left. And enjoyed it to all appearances. Fucking Retards eh?

We’re not done yet. I want to urge members of both parties to do the right thing and support this deal with your votes over the next few days. It will allow us to avoid default. It will allow us to pay our bills. It will allow us to start reducing our deficit in a responsible way. And it will allow us to turn to the very important business of doing everything we can to create jobs, boost wages, and grow this economy faster than it’s currently growing.

How will cutting demand create JOBS? How about some specifics here? Please address the trade deficit and outsourcing in your comments.

That’s what the American people sent us here to do, and that’s what we should be devoting all of our time to accomplishing in the months ahead.

True. And you’ve done the opposite of what people want. Just as in TARP. I suppose us peasants are too ignorant of “realities” to understand the magnificence of what you’ve done. Well you are correct, we don’t see the magnificence.

Thank you very much, everybody.

For what? Being willing victims?