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If I Only Had a Brain: My (Rejected) CNN Headlines

my brains - let me show you them

"my brains - let me show you them

 

Well, once again, I submitted proposed headlines to forward to those nice folks at CNN, so the nation would have an honest picture of what’s happening in/to America, if they only saw the headlines. But alas, the PTB didn’t understand a word I wrote. What could I be doing wrong?

0. Third of US, like much of SE Africa, getting baked, in worst drought since Dust Bowl; record flooding in other parts; but don’t worry about climate change.

1. Mitch McConnell realizes Tea-GOP driving off cliff; Eric Cantor insists he can fly and sneer at the same time. Don’t let your children watch this cartoon.

2. Reality Bites: Larry O’Donnell’s 11 Dimensional Chess meets Obama’s belief in confidence fairy, plans to cut Social Security, Medicare

3. Candidate Obama: “Iraq was a war of choice.” President Obama’s Defense Secretary to US Troops in Iraq: “You’re here because of 9/11.” No wonder the CIA missed Arab Spring.

4. Nation’s severe unemployment doesn’t exist; otherwise Congress would be doing something about it.

5. Obama bringing back Bush’s kidnap, rendition, torture teams as part of jobs program in Somalia, Yemen, etc.

6. European Bankers furious, bewildered that rating agencies claim 2 + 2 = 4. Banksters now considering plan D to hide need for euro debtor nations to default and reveal creditors’ insolvency

7. Petraeus says we’re winning, just need another FU, as Afghans kill PM’s brother, parliament still inoperable, bank caught looting, and we stumble into Pakistan war.

8. House Tea-GOP continues to slash every worthwhile program they can find; last week, food safety and E. coli protection; week before, emergency warning for natural disasters; this week, energy efficiency and renewables. Like watching the barbarians destroy Rome.

9. US waking up to British media-political scandal showing the owner of Fox News has been enabling a criminal hacking enterprise for a decade.

10. US regulators pushing for bankster mortgage settlements that screw homeowners before more fraud stories come out.

What else is happening? Bonus points for genuinely good news.

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Scarecrow

Scarecrow

John has been writing for Firedoglake since 2006 or so, on whatever interests him. He has a law degree, worked as legal counsel and energy policy adviser for a state energy agency for 20 years and then as a consultant on electricity systems and markets. He's now retired, living in Massachusetts.

You can follow John on twitter: @JohnChandley

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