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Facebook is atrocious in appearance and function. Without its first-adopter edge, it would be an internet penny stock. As I’ve said before, it’s what Microsoft would be without Apple as a competitor.

Today I wanted to post a link to an article on our new FBI overseers from I open my Fbook, hit the link button, and paste it in. A space appears beneath it in which to enter a comment. I’d rather have my comment, which would make a good, personalized head for the link, go above, but OK. I enter the comment and click on share.

Nothing happens. I count off some time. Nothing happens. I think perhaps I missed the button in my enthusiasm (girls, you know what that’s like) so I click it again. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Should I click it again? Was I attentive enough the second time? (Boys, you know what that’s like.) If I click it again, will it just re-post the exact same thing again? Surely it wouldn’t repost something in a text box that had not changed since the previous click on the button?

Nothing happens.

I re-load the page, and there is my shared link, with the same comment appearing three times.

It just makes me look like an idiot.

I delete the entire thrice-commented-upon link, post it again with my original comment, click the share button and wait a very long time. A stupidly long time in which I simply grow older and stupider. And then I reload the page.

The thrice-commented-upon link reappears.

So I add a comment to the third iteration of the original comment, a variation on my Facebook = Fuckbook trope, which I hope friends and well-wishers will understand to indicate that I am neither a fixated jerk nor as stupid as I fear.

It seems to have posted.

Because of the irregular way Fbook juggles posts, I make it a habit always to look at things first in the Top News format and then again in the Most Recent format. Besides being the only way I know of to reliably keep track of friends in Facebook, it’s always amusing (e.g., annoying) to see what Fbook picks and chooses for each, how many times it may repeat other people’s entries that I am sure were only posted once, how chronological order is violated in both formats, etc.

So I click to Top News. And along with whatever else it’s pulled out of its Zuckerberg, there’s my original thrice-repeated post, without my witty face-saving addendum. I add it again, take the opportunity to refine my phrasing, which I might have done before if I wasn’t just trying to get the damn thing to appear in some form that wouldn’t bring me shame and infamy.

I can’t remember what happened next. That’s a lot of variations on a complete cock-up, a full Weiner, to keep in order. All I know is that the last time I looked, it was a farce, and the time before that, it was a fiasco.

I hate Fiascobook.


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