Shadowproof

Hallelujah! Rapture’s Delay Explained!

(And for the record, it is NOT because God “aborted” the Rapture. No sirree!)

Hey Blenders: anyone wondering why we aren’t all “toast” today? We were promised:

  • The rapture would occur on May 21, 2011.
  • Massive earthquakes (greater in magnitude than the 2011 Japanese earthquake) would happen across the world at 6 p.m. local time.
  • The end of the world would take place five months later on October 21, 2011.
  • Approximately 3% of the world’s population would be called to heaven.
  • Earthquakes would begin on May 21 on Kiritimati Island (Christmas Island), Kiribati at 6 p.m. LINT (0400 UTC).

  • Citing Jeremiah 25:32, earthquakes would continue “as the sun advances” with New York, United States, to be affected at approximately 6 p.m. EDT (2200 UTC).
  • In other words, the entire planet would become a higgledy-piggledy mess for those left behind and it would be “every person for themselves” and by golly gee, we’d better all be prepared for the worst!

    Chaos.

    Floods.

    Locusts.

    Plagues.

    Cats and dogs, living together…

    And then, we gathered and waited. And waited. And waited.

    Full explanation of what happened- and what WILL happen!- below the fold!“Hmph! No Rapture; it was all bogus!” we said, little realizing the intrinsic plan God had laid out for the great prophet Harold was indeed in play.

    With heavy heart, I went to bed: disillusioned, disgusted, discouraged, and in da dumps.

    Hmph.

    Then later in the night after my standard dinner of extremely spicy food washed down with a dozen boilermakers, a vision came to me- and with it, a moment of pure clarity:

    That the Rapture DIDN’T happen last night is a sure sign that the Rapture is indeed coming!

    What, you don’t understand? You’re confused? Sigh… oh, you non-believers. You silly kids. It’s as plain as day!



    The reason that the Rapture didn’t happen yesterday is because not enough people had been notified and made the proper preparations.

    They may have held back some of their cash- enough to hire lawyers– kinda like not paying all of your taxes, come April 15.

    So, in a sign of remarkable grace and generosity, the Almighty decided to grant us all a “soul-tax extension”, essentially giving us all more time to pass in our homework.

    Dontcha get it? God actually deliberately delayed the Rapture, until He has decided enough of us have all been good Do-Bees!

    You still doubt? Okay, then look at this evidence given to us decades ago by those wise and sage truth-tellers, aka Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Do you REALLY think that it is “coincidence” that the smart sheep in this skit is named “Harold”??

    So, quick- who KNOWS how long we have! Send ALL of your money, right NOW, to Family Radio , so Harold Camping can continue his fine work! Call and GIVE, while you STILL CAN!!!

    Oh, what a friend we have in Jeebus…

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