Or “disembark!” if you prefer.

By now, everybody knows about the two holy men prohibited from flying from Memphis to their Charlotte destination, to attend a conference on Islamophobia and and discrimination (!), because the pilot felt uncomfortable with them on board, despite their having A) gone through TSA screening and B) gone through TSA screening again.

Details emerge: the imams were unmolested until the plane pushed away from the gate. (How many times have you been told, “Oh, the jetway door is closed, we cannot possibly open it again to admit your slightly tardy self!“?) The pilot returned to the gate, and asked the two mis-dressed passengers to deboard (worse neologism ever). One was told by the pilot “I’m not going to take you.” TSA repeated the imams’ screening, and the pilot refused their re-entry to the plane, despite 30 minutes of discussion with the pilot and Delta (the little airline’s parent).

Reactions abound: comment boards (here and here and here) have rapidly filled with reasoned opinions ranging from ‘Yay pilot!” and “I want to fly on his plane!” to “Fire him!” and “USA sucks! – u r all paranoid and bigoted” to “Hitler!”

Oh, well.

My Sunday Late Night question is: who would you cast off the airplane? Whom would you return to the jetway? Who doesn’t fly with Pilot You in the cockpit? Here’s my list, to get you started.

1. Sound-emitting children (parents may also deboard, optionally)
2. Thong-wearers (both types)
3. The overly perfumed

Share your personal no-fly list in comments, please.

Teddy Partridge

Teddy Partridge