I Was Sad Because I Had No Shoes Until I Met a Teabagger Who Had No Balls

In an attempt to get a handle on what exactly the good common sense salt-of-the-earth Real Americans of flyover country think about the America-hating homosexual communists in the Mainstream Media, CBS sat down with anger bear Andrew Breitbart who operates a ramshackle race baiting shack in rustic, yet quaint,  Brentwood:

Conservative publisher Andrew Brietbart sat down for an extensive interview with CBSNews.com Friday in which he discussed his disdain for the mainstream media, offered his perspective on the Republican presidential field, said President Obama should have released a post-mortem photo of Osama bin Laden, and complained that men have been turned into eunuchs by political correctness.

Before we get to the eunuchs (they’ll wait… what else have they got to do?) let’s talk about those Republican nominees:

Breitbart said his dream 2012 Republican presidential ticket includes two African-Americans, Herman Cain and Allen West, suggesting they would draw out those who “believe everybody that disagrees with the Democratic Party is a racist.”

He said Tea Party crowds in the South are extremely supportive when such an “authentic” ticket is brought up.

“That ticket would blow up the death star of political correctness that the left uses against the right,” he said.

Because there is nothing Tea Party Republicans love more than “the blacks“. And, besides, what better way to beat a colored Democratic President than with a Republican ticket that is even more colored-er, regardless of how often David Axelrod makes Joe Biden dress up like Flavor Flav.

But what about those “smooth as a Ken doll” American men (obviously not including Lindsey Graham who is literally hung like a gay bull. Seriously. Just ask Joe Lieberman):

The “Big Government” publisher also said the Tea Party is “run by women.”

“Because their husbands are afraid, they’re eunuchs,” he said. “They’re afraid of being called a racist, they’re afraid of being accused of sexual harassment in the workplace for even looking the wrong way, they live in a politically correct world where they’ve been turned into eunuchs.”

That’s right. Out of necessity the Tea Party is being run by ladies in mom-jeans and be-sequined American flag sweatshirts because their husbands haven’t been worth jackshit since they told that joke about the coloreds at the Teambuilding Tuesday luncheon and then got fired by that lady in HR who is probably a total man-hating dyke. Bitch. Now all the jobs are being done by Indians (the ones in Bangalore, not the ones who own all the casinos) and Mr. Fuck’em, I’ll Get Rich Blogging About Kenyan Muslims, LOL! spends his days working on his Button Gwinett costume (Butterick pattern B1776) while the missus is out doing the grunt work of shaking a misspelled sign at motorists, because, you know….. universal health care, NPR, brown people, and slutty teens who use abortion for birth control.

These people will save America.

Previous post

Late Night: The Clever Supervillians Get Bailouts

Next post

Virtually Speaking: David Dayen, Cliff Schecter, Stirling Newberry, Susie Madrak, Jay Ackroyd, Stuart Zechman



Yeah. Like I would tell you....