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Running Government As A Business

Business as usual

Business as usual by Lars Plougmann, on Flickr

Sounds great doesn’t it? It means it’s all going to run at a profit, we are all saved….

However one slight problem, when was the last time a CEO was elected, when was the last time you voted for your boss?

Oh never mind; details details…. think of the service, great customer relations and sleek efficiency.

If you buy your health coverage and then find it is full of holes you can take it back and have it exchanged….right?

You paid for your education and your degree is not the one you ordered, well customer services will be right on your case…wont they?

Your local taxes are rising at too great and interest rate so just pick up the phone to the call center…….oh….it’s sunny in Delhi…… how nice?

That sleek new fire department will work like clockwork. Three hours later after calmly discussing the clauses in your policy you are told that due to a reorganization you really should be talking to one of their subcontractors. They of course sympathize fully with your situation but management have decided that you no longer are part of their core business model, however as a gesture of goodwill you now qualify for a free broom and pail; and could you please confirm your address.

The infrastructure will be maintained following a fully enabled business flow paradigm following the best business practices; concentrating on the achievable deliverables cored and cleared around a use it or lose it scenario. We regret the bridge collapsed but unknowable unknowns were involved at a time when the low hanging fruit was being itemized. We have now formed a six sigma group to roll out and scope potential synergies, then vertically evaluate the value propositions and come up with the whole soup of nuts. We plan to reach out and ramp up proactively and push back in real time, the management would like to thank you for touching base and assure you that your bottom up requirements are mission critical.

9-1-1 services

“hello this is the Emergency Services which center of excellence do you require?”

“What? I’m being robbed!”

“To enable us to commoditize the ongoing event we need to ask a few questions..”

“he’s got a gun!”

“That will be the armed working groups transferring you now”

“?????”

“Hello this the the armed networking task force how may we be of service today”

“He wants my money!”

“So a hostile takeover, can you identify the party?”

“What…..no!”

“Please wait whilst we transfer you to the sector concerned with unknown hostile interventions”

“Shit….”

“Hello this is the covert assailant working group”

“I’ve been robbed”

“Please hold whilst we transfer you to the debriefing sub group to analyze the critical path to go forward from this juncture”

“Oh fuck………click…….ssssssssss”

“Well team; what can we take away from this operation and are there any quick wins to be rolled out?”

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