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Late Night: How Did YOU Get In Here?

It’s always fun watching experienced politicians wake up to the realization that the feral creatures they kept caged in the basement during the cocktail parties have escaped and are now mauling the appetizer buffet:

I can no longer in good conscience lend my name and support to Justice Prosser’s candidacy. Too much has come to light that Justice Prosser has lost that most crucial of characteristics for a Supreme Court Justice – as for any judge – even-handed impartiality. Along with that failing has come a disturbing distemper and lack of civility that does not bode well for the High Court in the face of demands that are sure to be placed on it in these times of great political and legal volatility.

That’s former Wisconsin Governor Patrick Lucey, Democrat, explaining why he’s ditching Scott Walker’s chosen Supreme Court candidate, David Prosser. Lucey’s 93 years old and you can just kind of hear it in that statement:

“What the … Jimmy, who let these guys in here? Who invited her and what is she doing with that Slinky? How did we get peanut butter on the … oh, man, don’t let my wife see that. Well, pull his head OUT of the potato bong, then, and sober him up before the neighbors call the cops on us! David, the pony has to go BACK to the petting zoo tomorrow, so you’d better hope the dye washes out.”

It’s got to be a difficult thing, being a grown-up in Wisconsin politics these days. You’ve got Prosser, who thinks it’s just fine to call a female justice a bitch, and then defend himself on the grounds that she IS a bitch; you’ve got the Fitzgerald brothers who are sort of like what you get if you stick chipmunks in light sockets, whose press releases consist of YEAH WELL YOUR MOM SAID DIFFERENT LAST NIGHT; and you’ve got Scott Walker, who at this point is sort of like a little kid hiding from everybody by closing his eyes on account of if he can’t see the protesters, they really aren’t there.

At this point guys like Lucey have had to start asking themselves if they really want to be kindergarten hall monitors, and not surprisingly the answer to that question in Lucey’s case was Hell no, I am too old for this shit, and if somebody doesn’t turn the damn music down and clean that mess up I will turn this whole state around and you will all go to bed without supper.


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Allison Hantschel

Allison Hantschel

Allison Hantschel is a 10-year veteran of the newspaper business. She publishes First Draft, a writing and politics blog, with her partners Holden, Jude and Scout. She is the author of the books Chicago's Historic Irish Pubs (2011, Arcadia Publishing, with Mike Danahey) and It Doesn’t End With Us: The Story of the Daily Cardinal, about a great liberal journalism institution (2007, Heritage Books). She also edited the anthology “Special Plans: The Blogs on Douglas Feith and the Faulty Intelligence That Led to War” (2005, William, James & Co.) Her work has appeared in the Chicago Sun-Times, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, the Daily Southtown, Sirens Magazine, and Alternet. She lives in Chicago with her husband, two ferrets, and approximately 60 tons of books.