Heads Up! Bill O’Reilly’s Moon Threatens Earth!
The rare phenomenon once thought to affect ocean tides but now believed to be the unexplainable and egregious “O’Reilly Mooning Effect” is about to make the night 30 percent brighter. You may wish to make up some story that does not frighten your children.
Saturday’s full moon will be a super perigree[sic] moon. This rare celestial event happens when the moon reaches the closest possible point of its orbit around the Earth.
“(It’ll be) roughly 14 percent bigger and about 30 percent brighter,” said KING 5 Meteorologist Rich Marrriott.
. . .
“The best time to view it, to get a sense of the size of it, is when it’s on the horizon,” said Marriott. “Chance of us seeing it at moonrise tomorrow night, which should be around 7:30 p.m. or so, probably sketchy because we’ll have the clouds around. It will be hard to see things around the horizon.”
. . .
“It’s going to look even better as we head into Sunday and Spring arrives officially,” said Marriott.
As Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly recently informed us, there is no scientific explanation for why the moon is trying to get dangerously closer to us. It just does. God help us all.