Rand Paul’s Toilet Is All Plugged Up With Dead Fetuses And Poop

Rand Paul, the emo-Senator/fake opthamologist from Kentucky, really really hates people telling him what to do and their stupid rules that say he can’t  do things like, oh, I don’t know,  use a melon-baller to scoop people’s eyes out if he wants to because of some kind of made up bullshit “health standards” or whatever.  Today Paul got all pissy with a lady from the Energy Department because the lady can have an abortion any time she wants but he can’t flush his poop without help:

At a hearing of the Senate Committee on Energy and Natural Resources on Thursday, Mr. Paul lambasted Kathleen Hogan, deputy assistant secretary for energy efficiency at the Energy Department, telling her that the department’s “hypocrisy” and “busybody nature” has “restricted choices” for consumers rather than made life better for them.

“You don’t care about the consumer really,” Mr. Paul said. “Frankly, my toilets don’t work in my house, and I blame you.”

They were supposed to be talking about lightbulbs but Rand Paul thinks and talks about his poop all day long which is why none of the other senators will eat at the same table in the Senate cafeteria with him where he sits by himself,  dunking his tater tots in to his chocolate pudding before eating them while making this weird humming noise. Did I mention he that he chews with his mouth open? Yeah. Totally gross.

Anyway, Rand Paul asked the Energy lady if she likes aborting Jesus babies all day long:

Mr. Paul also drew a pointed parallel with abortion, opening his questioning by asking Ms. Hogan, “I was wondering if you are pro-choice?”

Ms. Hogan said she was “pro-choice in light bulbs.” But Mr. Paul accused her, the energy department and Democrats in general with hypocrisy. “You favor a woman’s right to abortion,” he said, but “you’re really anti-choice on every other product.”

He said that department standards on energy-efficient refrigerators and toilets, for example, don’t work. “We don’t even save any money,” Mr. Paul said. “We have to flush the toilet 10 times before it works.”

Then Paul started to get up to leave the room without being excused but some mom lady made him come back and apologize for being such a dick:

Mr. Paul started to leave the hearing room shortly after his turn at questioning the witness, but he was called back into the room by Senator Jeanne Shaheen, Democrat of New Hampshire, who scolded Mr. Paul for being rude to Ms. Hogan.

“I think it behooves us all not to engage in name calling,” Ms. Shaheen said. Government workers like Ms. Hogan are simply trying “to carry out the work Congress has asked them to do,” and Congress can change the law if it wants, she said.

Paul just rolled his eyes and said “Yeah, Sorry, Whatevs…” before going to his room, slamming the door, and playing Dashboard Confessional really loud while screaming “I fucking hate you guys! I wish I had never been born.”

Later he came out for pudding…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....