I originally posted this in a reply to the whole text of the SOTU speech. But, I kinda like it, so I’ll repost it as a diary entry.
FDLers, feel free to add your two cents. Here it goes. What Obama REALLY said:
The ruling class has a new martyr, the wounded Congresswoman, and I admire everyone here for sitting together and wearing little ribbons for her. Anyone who disparages this as having nothing to do with the actual state of the union is a putz and a barbarian.
All of the ruling class must work together to increase our profits and expand our power. I am ready to reach across the aisle to the other faction to help accomplish this.
I formally declare war on the future. It must be conquered by We the Rulers of America. We must do this by improving education for OUR kids, and blame our orchestrated dismantling of the public education system on lazy parents and greedy teachers. Charter schools rule! We must invest in clean energy by investing in clean coal, refusing to admit that that is a contradiction in terms, and giving oil companies tax breaks by investing in such clean energy as coal and nuclear while proclaiming we are eliminating their subsidies, which will make us all look really cool to the serfs, who, for some strange reason, still vote.
If you are middle class, or impoverished, or a veteran, or unemployed, you are so insignificant that you are unworthy of my notice.
Housing crisis? What housing crisis? The Important People all have nice houses, so we don’t have to talk about that.
We must drive down wages, pensions, retirements, and other loser gimmees so that when the Chinese or the Indians wake up and demand better living conditions, our corporations can come home to America and exploit the wage slaves right here!
To further that goal, we must dismantle regulations that keep businesses from being able to exploit their workers and the environment to the maximum extent possible. To do anything else would be Unamerican.
And we will tell the ignorant peasants and serfs that they are exceptional people just because they are American, and to complain about their lot makes them sound like, well, Tunisians or Egyptians or other ingrates, and therefore Unamerican. If you’re American, and just BELIEVE that you will get lucky, you will!
Yes, the rules have changed. Get over it, little people. This is Amerika!