There is a theorem that illustrates that a given infinite time almost anything can happen. It is often expressed as a room full of monkey’s randomly typing would eventually reproduce the complete works of William Shakespeare. The math on this is incontrovertible sooner or later they would get around to producing sentences and even plays. Before, during and after that though, they would be producing gibberish. Watching the statements of Senate and House Republicans, I think I know where the off-drafts are winding up.

Yesterday we had some prime monkey typing on display for the nation. There was Republican House member Louis Gohmert of Texas was on the House floor yesterday claiming:

And to my friend who said history will judge us poorly, I would submit if you will look thoroughly at history — and I’m not saying it’s cause and effect — but when militaries throughout history of the greatest nations in the world have adopted the policy that fine for homosexuality to be overt — you can keep it private and control your hormones, fine, if you can’t, that’s fine too — they are toward the end of their existence as a great nation. Let’s look at this more carefully before we harm our military.

The number of things that are wrong about this assertion are legion. First off, the idea that there is a correlation between the decline of past empires and great nations and open service by gay citizens in the military is only valid if you are willing to ignore all other factors which lead the end of empire.

There is also the issue that 24 forgiven militaries have open service by gay citizens and it does not look as if they are toppling or going away as major powers any time in the near future (though given Rep. Gohmert’s view of history if they ever do go teats up, the start will be traced to letting gay men and women serve).

What Rep. Gohmert is arguing for is that gay citizens can serve but only if they are willing to serve and lie about who they are. To me that is a lot more damaging than the fact of knowing your squad mates likes men instead of women for someone to get sweaty with. What is really important in combat is if the person next to you is going to do their job or not, who they like to have sex with is irrelvent. As one special forces soldier said of his gay squad mate “He’s big, he’s mean and he kills a lot of bad guys” that is what is important in combat.

Now, you might say “C’mon there Bill, Gohmert is on the crazy as a shit house rat list, you can’t paint all Republicans with his brush” and you would be right. The good news for me and this post is that there are other Republicans who are obviously getting speeches and comments from the Monkey Writes Guild.

Take the incredibly bad press conference by the two Johns, Senators Cornyn and Thune yesterday afternoon. After calling a press conference to express their intention to vote against the omnibus bill because of earmarks they got the grilling of the year about the fact that both of them had asked for tens of millions of dollars in earmarks in the very same bill.

They stuttered through the instance that they were not going to vote for the bill so the earmarks they requested don’t matter. It was prime random Monkey typing as they tried desperately not to say what was really going on. The reality is these so-called deficit hawks know that the bill will pass and were trying to have the best of all worlds. They would put the earmarks in place knowing they would go to their state and help them politically, while also getting credit for being tough on the deficit and the bogus issue of earmarks.

It was not a bad gamble as the average voters pays as much attention to the hypocrisy of the Republicans as a dog does to David Letterman. The thinking here was that it would only be the people who already find the two John’s to be politically objectionable who would notice the rampant nonsense of this position (as long as the underlying reality was not admitted to) and since they didn’t like them anyway the base would ignore it. It might still work.

As fun as this all is to point out (and get a shout out to the Monkey Writers Guild) is, there is some seriousness here. This is the start of the way the Republicans are going to work the system over the next two years, not the end. It is not silly season gaffs, but the strategy of distraction that they will follow. One of the lessons of the Bush years was that you can’t really tell the people what the Republicans want to do and have them stay in power. When it became clear what the Republicans stood for, the nation tossed them out of power.

There will be much, much more of this kind of mind bending surrealism coming from the mouths of Republicans as they struggle to have find new justifications for doing what they have always done while looking like they are not doing it. The level of cognitive dissonance that will be laid down on the nation is going to be staggering.

Is this the cause of Americans disaffection with politicians? When a meat and potato kind of gal or guy looks at what is going on and sees that the ends don’t match the rhetoric, is it any wonder they feel like they are being governed by corrupt morons? Perhaps it is kick people like Rep. Gohmert with his tenuous grasp of reality and history out of office.

Until that day the MWG will have secure employment churning out random ridiculousness for Republicans to spout, at least until that folio of plays by one W. Shakespeare is finished.

The floor is yours

Bill Egnor

Bill Egnor

I am a life long Democrat from a political family. Work wise I am a Six Sigma Black Belt (process improvement project manager) and Freelance reporter for