There’s a lot going on in the Assange story, but what I want to really focus on is safe sex and the lack thereof in this sordid spy tale.

Both women consciously had unprotected with a famous man, who consciously had unprotected sex with them. Trust is a very sacred thing, diseases can passed around. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

Oh wait the two chicks were thinking they were all Daphne and Thelma supah spaiz:

Oooh let’s have jizz filled sexification with Final Boss of the Internets and then spread tales. We’ll catch him and be mega heroines with own comic books and dolls action figures!

And free passes to ComiCon! We’ll be famous!!

How about what you could have been sharing with each other and unknown parties of microbial nature? Like Sofia, Anna, how do you know that the other doesn’t have something short or long term? Princess Di and Fergie borrowed each others shoes and someone got plantar warts. Just saying…

And Julian, Julian, I admire your valour, except in this situation. What vanity, what hubris to think that these ladies were granting you a special favor of rubberless sex. Did you not go

Wait, whut? Who me? Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

Here’s a hint about condoms: If someone is eager is to have rubberless sex with you right off the bat, they prolly are gonna be trying the same thing with others.  And are going get lucky if not with you then with someone else. Because they are working a good game and there’s always someone who wants to feel special. And might have cooties.

Julian, you should not have let yourself be caught without a raincoat. God gave us hands for reason, you could have used yours if your brain was too addled by the ladies’ beauty to get you out of their room; you put your health and freedom at risk (oh and the internets’ too). And Mlles. Ardin and Wilen,  you put your ambitions and alleged craftiness ahead of your personal safety and welfare. All of you were embarrassingly stupid.

TL/DR: Use rubbers.

Lisa Derrick

Lisa Derrick

Los Angeles native, attended UC Berkeley and Loyola Marymount University before punk rock and logophilia overtook her life. Worked as nightclub columnist, pop culture journalist and was a Hollywood housewife before writing for and editing Sacred History Magazine. Then she discovered the thrill of politics. She also appears frequently on the Dave Fanning Show, one of Ireland's most popular radio broadcasts.