A Message to FDL From the White House
Thank you for purchasing our fine product, Barack Obama’s First Term. We are very proud of this new and improved version of Herbert Hoover’s last term. As you know, this product features impressive 11-dimensional chess accessories, inspiring ass-kissing of every Republican in sight, immunity legislation for massive mortgage fraud perpetrators, a wide variety of Iraq and Afghanistan war options ranging from no withdrawal to no withdrawal, and no consideration whatsoever of anything even remotely resembling campaign promises.
Mind-numbing spine assembly required.
Consult your physician before use.
Use only in a well-ventilated veal pen.
Discontinue use if you experience nausea, vomiting, fever, convulsions, more than one stroke, or paralyzing fury.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or catastrophic damages resulting from every defect, error or failure to perform.
Any vague resemblance to any actual Democratic presidents, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
Consume alcoholic beverages frequently while using this product.
Some additional tax cuts for the rich may apply.
Hamid Karzai action figures sold separately.
Graphic hypocrisy may be too intense for some viewers.
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Unplug before servicing.
Any reproduction, retransmission, or rebroadcast of any Obama statement anywhere on anything without the express written consent of Mitch McConnell is strictly prohibited.
Contents may evaporate under no pressure at all.
Danger: harmful or fatal for America.
Do not think about this product while operating heavy equipment.
Individual results may vary.
Take several bottles of sedatives three times daily until gone.
Not to be used as a personal flotation device.
This is not an offer to sell securities . . . well . . . actually, it is.
Not valid in any areas.
Predator drones in your mirror may be closer than they appear.
Subject to caving in without notice.
The views expressed by purchasers of this product do not necessarily reflect the views of the sponsors.
Please remain seated until real change in America comes to a complete stop.
You can get up now.